This is it. The end.

The last Real World DC recap I’m ever going to write (at least til’ Real World 30: Return to DC.)

So let’s skip the pleasantries and just get it on- I’m sure you guys are sick enough of them, the show, or my recaps.

Maybe all of the above.

Drama In DC

Everybody Is Artsy Fartsy

Everybody is Artsy!

After an entire episode that featured the cast doing nothing but good for the community- why not dedicate an episode where the cast does nothing but express their artistic side? It makes me wonder how would the show be received if instead of weekly drama- the cast would fit a pre-determined theme: one episode they are really artsy, in another they are social activists, in another they could be all fratty and party all over DC.

Then again that was pretty much the theme they chose for this entire season and pretty much the franchise.

Anyways this week the cast is getting their art on. Callie is organizing a gallery exhibition featuring her photography, Andrew’s paintings, and Emily’s poetry. Why not have Josh and Wicked Liquid perform in the space? Why not have Mike do some interpretive dance? That’s pretty much how he looks when he fights flirts with other guys. If only Ty had an artistic side to him- but alas that’s not the role for the angry black man on The Real World.

Art show success!

Callie is very concerned about Andrew’s ability to finish his paintings in time for the gallery show- and she has good reason too. As we have already seen, he’s not the most studious of artists.

Andrew complains that painting takes longer than photography- and he’s right, of course the fact you are complaining about it while walking to Public Bar doesn’t really strike me as a person who really has their priorities straight.

Andrew manages to finish the work in time but just barely- the paint is still wet on his work as he brings it over to the gallery.

The Art Show is a success and Callie manages to sell several of her photos, and provides the most unenthusiastic reaction while doing so.

The Panda Is Tamed But What Now?

Why do I see a future furry fetish in the making?

Part of the reason Andrew’s been procrastinating more than usual is because he’s absolutely smitten with his new girlfriend Andrea. Hey if that was my girlfriend I would be absolutely there too. The summer is almost over however and the two face the same decision every summer camp hook-up has faced: what to do when everybody goes back home?

Andrew at first has cold feet about the idea of Andrea moving to Colorado with him but he eventually comes to his senses that this is one banging chick and the two make plans to live together after the show.

Happily Panda After.

Mike Gets More Political Than Ever

After arriving for his HRC job interview in shorts and a t-shirt, Mike finally puts on a nice suit like all the other Hill staffers in the city and heads to Capital Hill to pay Congressman Jim Moran a visit. He mentions how the Congressman from Virginia’s 8th district (hey I live there!) has a 100% voting record with HRC; thus the visit is nothing but a cakewalk for the HRC delegation.

I noticed the MTV crew did a great job condensing Moran’s quotes by cutting them up over a reaction shot of Mike. The edit job is worse than most campaign ads I’ve seen.

As the two part ways Mike reflects that he may have a future in politics. I think he does have a bright future- on THE RUINS 2!

President Obama at the HRC National Dinner: he doesn't look too happy to be on MTV again.

In additional Hill lobbying, Mike has the big HRC National Dinner to attend. Good thing he made the smart choice of going out to Russia House the night before for heavy drinking and flirting with guys. Another good thing his idea is flirting is to fight with them- and ends up with a cut on his face along with a hangover the next day. Nothing a little cover-up can’t fix however.

So Mike attends the dinner with his father, Mike Sr. (I didn’t know there was a Mike Sr.), and they are amongst hundreds of others (including Lady Gaga, the cast of Glee, and my pal Suburban Sweetheart.)

Of course MTV does their best to make Mike appear to be more connected to the event by constantly cutting Mike’s reactions against every moment of Obama’s keynote speech.

Look at the gun show at the March!

The next day Mike, the Dad, and the rest of the cast march in the National Equality March. Fresh off the dinner and an inspiring Obama speech, Mike is all energized and ready to be proud of who he is. Along the trail he runs across an Anti-March protester and tells him off in a rather angry fashion.

While the moment itself could of been portrayed as a proud moment of Mike standing up for what he believes in, his father takes it a step higher and notes that Mike could of been more understanding and tolerant towards the opposition. Mike Sr. and son walk back to the protester to apologize and listen to his argument.

It was by far the classiest moment all season.

The Long Goodbye

Last night in DC? Quick let's all make-out with each other!

Well now that the summer is over it is time to wrap things up at the house, which only means one thing: truth or dare night!

After watching The s#!t they should have shown special it was good to see more debauchery before saying goodbye to DC.

Why does MTV always draw out the goodbyes when it comes to their reality shows? When I was watching the Jersey Shore the cast left one-by-one, like they were on some sort of staggered time-table. God forbid we have one emotional group hug and they all go off in seven separate ways- we need the goodbye sequence to last half the final show!

Well one-by-one the cast leaves the house. My big joke was that Ty lived in B’more and really just had to take the Red Line north to Glenmont. Weird thing was Emily, who lives in the midwest, is the one seen walking to the Metro as the series closes.

And just like that it’s all over.

Memorable Quotes

Where Mike demonstrates his commitment to Tanner: “I’m gonna be faithful, but I’m gonna flirt.”

Emily’s best guess on why Mike got a cut on his face: “You couldn’t make out so you decided to punch him?”

Andrew’s Puppy Love Ending: “I definitely want her to live with me- in my Star Wars, X-Men fortress.”

Andrew explains why I will always play Truth of Dare the last night I stay in the Real World House: “Truth or Dare is a guilt free way for the girls to get with the guys in the house.”

Final Verdict

Mike: Provided some of the best moments of the season and really didn’t cause that much drama.

Callie: Besides being called fat, Callie remained level headed through-out the season, just as we expected. In this mess of characters you can’t help but like her the best.

Andrew: He lived up to his expectations in the first episode and it makes perfect sense that MTV casts a crazy kid that’s even more crazy about girls- only to find him fall in love in DC.

Josh: We didn’t see him a whole lot except when he was rocking out or unleashing his beast- but we didn’t disappoint in those few moments.

Emily: During some moments she was absolutely cool- during others she was as annoying as the rest of the cast.

Ty: He did a great job in his role as the token hot, angry, black dude. I should watch what I say however- he’s also the one that’s still an hour away from DC.

Ashley: I knew she was going to be trouble from the start and everywhere she went there was trouble.

Erika: While some things about her didn’t surface in the show, she also didn’t fail to bring on the drama.

Hey I Know That Place!

Rayburn Building: Home of Congressman Moran

Public Bar: Where to go when you should really be working on an art show.

Gallery Plan B: Where the Real World shows off their warez.

Russia House:  Where flirting with guys is trying to punch them in the face.

Washington Convention Center: Site of the HRC National Dinner

Saki Asian Grille: Hey at least it’s not Buca.

Final Word

Shout out to local DC band We Were Pirates, who’s music was featured in tonight’s and previous episodes. Their song “Don’t Forget” was that tune you heard while . You can see a complete music breakdown here.

And with that I can finally have my Wednesday nights back. Oh you can now stop putting up with my breakdowns- because they are finished.

Back to ignoring MTV til Jersey Shore comes back on.

One more week.

One more week til I can stay out on Wednesdays and not try and get back in for MTV.

One more week til America can go back to focusing on the second season of Jersey Shore.

One more week til the few readers I have left here can stop putting up with my weekly Real World rants.

One more week.

Drama In DC

Mike & Tanner Fall In Love But Face Tough Opposition

It's lurve!

Besides Callie, Mike has been one of the only other cast member who’s been portrayed pretty well on the show. His main storyline this season has been his sexuality and sorting out his feelings for his ex-boyfriend back at home. Earlier this season Mike realizes that Tanner is really the boy for him after trying out several locals. You could expect the show to pour on the lovey dovey when Tanner arrives and it does. Mike is so smitten over Tanner that even relationship-phobic Emily wishes she had something like that.

The two do all the touristy things in DC like walk around The Mall and share a shower. They also stop by the HRC shop by their house and buy some promise rings. Mike comments that he hopes for marriage one day if it becomes legal. Well Mike it’s time to celebrate because Gay Marriage is now legal in DC! When Tanner and Mike walk back to the house after a night out a clearly drunk observer asks if the two are gay- to which a clearly drunk Mike proudly proclaims he is and looks as if he wants to start a fight. Whoa there Mike you aren’t exactly Ronnie; plus it’s hard for me to believe a gay couple would get heckled in Dupont Circle. I believe it was more of a drunk guy wanting to say something in front of the gigantic camera following the two. DC couldn’t be a more accepting place for homosexuals.

You can’t say the same about Colorado, after Tanner leaves to go back home he tells his parents he’s in love with Mike and they not only disapprove, but cut him off and kick him out of the house.

It really disappoints me to see that kind of a reaction from a family, to see such insensitivity and intolerance towards your own children. I really hope Tanner’s family watched last night’s episode and realized how could they stop loving their own flesh and blood for being gay? I hope they walk outside and realized they just made themselves look evil on television. Like Ty, I too can relate to the issue of discrimination and I couldn’t imagine raising my kids like that.

Ty & Andrew Go Wedding Crashing

We're in Philly! Bring on the cheese-steaks!

Josh, who we haven’t seen much of unless he’s singing badly or cheating on his girlfriend, is traveling back to Philly to be in his cousin’s wedding. He’s excited to, “show everybody what I’ve been up to the past two months.”

Does that mean you’ll be the wedding singer? Does this mean your girlfriend won’t be there because you’ll be making out with the maid of honor?

No apparently what Josh means is that he’s going to bring all the cameras with him so he can attract more attention at the wedding than the actual Bride and Groom- and Andrew and Ty get to tag along as well.

Josh, Ty, and Andrew + Alcohol + Dance Floor + Women = Real World Philly!!!

Wait a minute MTV has been there, done that.

When Ty drinks he turns angry and turns into a cougar hunter

With an epic night ahead of them, the boys do what anybody should do before their wedding: eating messy cheese-steaks in their nice suits. It was probably the most stereotypical Philly thing they could of done that day. I’m sure cheese-steaks don’t dominate every Philadelphian’s life but thanks MTV for making us think that they constantly crave them.

At the wedding we learn that Josh’s cousin is proud of him for developing an entourage and we see that Ty truly has no limits when he macks on Josh’s mom.

Oh no maybe we shouldn’t let Ty drink anymore- wait a minute: been there, done that.

Wicked Liquid Makes Their DC Debut

Wicked Liquid is preparing for their big show at the Rock & Roll Hotel, and Josh couldn’t be more excited. He says everything is getting better: the guitar, his voice (we can only hope), but most importantly of all: his flow.

You need to have flow for this whole thing to work. That and also a VOICE!

It was funny to see his roommates actually debate on whether or not they would pay to see Josh perform. Andrew is a fan but you can read their opinion of Wicked Liquid on everybody else.

The concert wasn’t that bad- certainly not horrible but nothing great. The only notable thing probably is the first appearance of RWDC super-fan Elizabethany.

Time To Cram In Every Charity Event They Did This Summer

Look The Real World cast is making a difference!

So while Josh and Mike were dominating the story-lines what were everybody else up to? Charity work.

MTV works hard to make sure that the Real World cast makes it out to not only all the bars and clubs- but the occasional charity event as well.

We see the cast help out during the 9/11 National Day of Service and Ashley, Callie, and Emily lend a hand over at the Hard Rock Cafe’s Pinktober where they meet Melissa Etheridge.

Not much to say here, good for the cast to take a break from Rhino Bar to actually help out in the community.

Memorable Quotes

Mike reverts back to the #1 date place for Real World DC:

Emily: “What do you think you [and Tanner] are going to do?”

Mike: “Maybe go to Buca.”

Ty on Philadelphia’s diversity: “Andrew says there’s not enough blacks- too many Mexicans.”

Josh says the next best MTV line I’ve heard since Ronnie’s “pounding her out”: “Quit clocking my mother.”

One Up

Mike

He brings down a significant other and manages not to have drama while he’s here. Can’t say that about Erika and Josh.

One Down

Tanner’s Parents

I’m disappointed in you two.

Hey I Know That Place!

National Mall: So touristy.

Pat’s King of Steaks: I know it’s not in DC but hey people recognized it…

Hard Rock Cafe: I’ve been there before, not that bad.

Celebrations Weddings: I know it’s also in PA but I had to give it a shout-out because it’s by far the best name for an event hall.

Rock & Roll Hotel: Did you know that Ty is banned from the place? Because he doesn’t pay his bar tabs- trust me I know.

St. Luke’s Episcopal Church: My best guess where Mike went to pray since he was there earlier in the season.

Final Word

Last night the “S#!t The Should Of Shown” episode also aired and while a lot of it were just re-aired MTV Dailies and interviews, I agree that a lot of the stuff they should of shown- but was it me or was it still pretty tame?

I don’t know maybe I’m getting old.

Erika is unhappy in DC

It finally happened.

In this week’s episode Erika finally had enough of living in DC: she couldn’t stand the posh house, the fame that comes with a camera crew, or the rampant drinking and lack of actual responsibilities that comes with being on The Real World.

If she only learned from her counterpart on Jersey Shore, Angelina.

Does anybody remember Angelina from Jersey Shore? Probably not because she left after the first weekend at the house. Little did she know that by walking away from the show she’d be walking away from fame and fortune as the remaining cast members became pop culture superstars. Luckily Erika benefits from toughing it out 2/3 into the summer before calling it quits. She also benefits from the fact the Real World will never regain the Jersey Shore-like buzz it once had.

However there is a similarity between the two reality show departures: both casts were seen enjoying a dinner like family, happy that the outcast is finally gone from their lives. I expected some sort of “we’re a family” line to come out during that last dinner scene but nobody on The Real World has the charm and charisma as The Situation.

Drama In DC

Andrew Is Finally A Washingtonian: He Visits The White House

Real life means not treating your job like a college term paper

So we know that when Andrew isn’t hitting on girls (which is probably on hiatus thanks to his new girlfriend,) he’s drawing cartoons.

So it looks like that he made some calls MTV hooked him up, and he drops by The Washington Post to pay a visit to resident Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist Tom Toles. It’s your typical, “OMG this guy is doing exactly what I want to do” kind of encounter. When Andrew suggests that one day he would love to draw for The Post, Toles admits that it’s a long-shot- which is code for, “start in a smaller market first” or “maybe you should work hard at something besides bringing chicks to the hot tub.”

So is Andrew going to get an impressive internship over at the Post? No- but he got the next best thing: The Washington Times! The only thing I know about The Times is that their billboard ticker outside the offices always has interesting headlines. In an interview with their multimedia editor, Andrew is asked about his abilities to handle deadlines  to which he affirms that he can handle them.

Why aren’t we surprised that we can imagine him blowing by deadlines? And he does- but that’s for later.

Been there, done that

As part as his assignment to create a political cartoon for the paper he gets to shadow Curl on a visit to the White House, a trip Mike is very jealous of- and he should be. Any true Washingtonian living here has visited the White House, maybe it was through a tour, a friend on The Hill, your job, or through good ol’ DC Networking. Martin Austermuhle over at DCist dropped the fact he’s been in the briefing room- and I’ll go ahead and be a complete asshole- and mention that I’ve been there, done that as well.

Andrew is cracking wise from the podium we hear a PA announcement for last call… til Marine One arrives. I didn’t know the White House actually does PA announcements for The Press, kinda cool for those that live in that wing. So like many of us living here Andrew got to see President Obama… from 100 ft away. Good thing he had the courtesy to not wear the Panda hat. Andrew also sits in during a Gibbs Press briefing and clearly has no idea what’s going on- good thing he didn’t try and ask a question. I would of loved to see that make the news, “clueless Real Worlder asks Gibbs a dumb question about where the party is in DC.”

With the paper expecting a draft from him the next day, you would think that Andrew would be responsible and produce- but instead he blows it off for a day and makes up lies to The Times as he stares at a blank sheet of paper. Pretty much how any college student treats a mid-term. I don’t know what to say except, “ANDREW YOU AREN’T GOING TO GET A JOB AT  A PAPER BLOWING OFF DEADLINES!”

It’s ok though because he’s on MTV, and the paper runs his stuff regardless of tardiness.

So the moral of the story? You can succeed in life if you work hard- or if you are connected to a major cable network.

Erika Wants To Leave The House, Doesn’t Get Sympathy Of Her Roommates

I wanna go home!

Everything started off well in this episode, we learn that Erika’s boyfriend is going to visit- which is good because she admits that she’s really horny. She also wants to fix up Callie with Ian’s friend Evan. Great intentions however anytime there’s a lot of pressure to put two people together, we know it’s never going to work. Even though Callie makes a great first impression by welcoming Ian and his friends in nothing but a towel, Erika quickly gets annoyed that Callie and Evan aren’t hitting it off. Again, love isn’t something you force- and this situation seems as forced as Obama’s attempts to pass a health care bill.

Erika starts to whine about feeling miserable in DC and wants to go back home. Eventually she decides to flip a coin to make her decision. After flipping a coin it comes up heads- to which she said means she should go home.

Problem is she never says which side would mean what- smells like a rigged wager to me.

Erika declares her intentions to the roommates and they react by telling her what a great experience it would be if she stayed and how much they would miss her. Instead she whines that they aren’t supporting her decision and throws a fit. Erika then says she’s changed her mind- that she’ll stay because they want her too, but her roommates tell her that she should do what’s good for her- not them.

The perfect place to discuss serious housemate issues

It just looks like nobody is going to be happy with whatever happens.

Personally I think Erika is just trying to illicit sympathy, first she tries to get her roommates to support her when she wants to leave and it doesn’t happen. Then she tries to get her roommates to love her by saying she’ll stay but that doesn’t happen. Look Erika, your roommates make a good point- DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

Bottom line: Erika is a big bag of drama and she should leave. Good thing that she ultimately does.

Memorable Quotes

Doesn’t Andrew mean the Washington Post?: “This is a big-time paper. It’s the Washington Times. It’s everywhere.”

One Up

Ty

I don’t think I’m ever going to feel good about him during an episode about him- so might as well throw him here when I can’t approve of Erika and Andrew.

One Down

Erika

I was going to pick Andrew but could we seriously expect a kid like him to stay on a deadline? Not really. Good riddance Erika, let’s hope you don’t become the Angelina of The Real World DC.

Hey I Know That Place!

The Washington Post: The top paper in DC and one of the top in the U.S.

The Washington Times: Less popular then The Washington City Paper or The Express- perhaps more popular than new Redskins QB Rex Grossman.

The White House: Where our President lives.

Public Bar: Watch out, the lines for the bathroom here are long- but then again so is any place you go to on a weekend…

Lauriol Plaza: One day I will get my Margaritas on here.

Final Word

I don’t know how I felt about the shameless editing together of the playing in the rain, celebrating Erika’s departure up against Erika’s tears in Ian’s embrace. I seriously doubt those two things happened at the same time- and just appears to make the roommates look really insensitive when I bet the two event happened nowhere near each other.

Only three more episodes of Real World DC? What will I do with my Wednesday nights? Where will I go to get my daily dose of DC B-Roll shots and rampant drinking & drama?

I will say one thing, I’ll have a lot more free time on Thursday mornings.

Drama In DC

Panda In Love?

Panda love

Right off the bat we are introduced to Andrew Leigh, a model that Andrew met at Fly Lounge. The two appeared to hit it off, perhaps all too quickly. Given that she’s ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS, some are wondering if she wasn’t a plant from the show considering she previously auditioned for Real World DC. MTV provides some comments from the roommates about her intentions and they have her back– but a part of me can’t help but think how convenient it is that the guy who’s storyline has mostly been about getting action finds a really hot girl to make his girlfriend.

Did I say girlfriend? Yes Andrew and Andrea spend the entire episode doing cute things like cuddling and painting nails. Somewhere along the way however Andrew strays off the path when he and Josh bring home a couple of girls. Sure we know that Josh is a beast that cannot be tamed but is Andrew? While Josh is having his way with his girl Andrew is left entertaining a girl in the confessional… and we know things happen in the confessional…

Just in the nick of time Andrea arrives from her night out and an awkward moment is had as she spies some other woman all over Andrew. Mike plays damage control upstairs while this other chick is trying to convince Andrew that Andrea isn’t even pretty. What? What planet are you from? Well Andrea and Andrew eventually patch things back up and become an official item. Of course I don’t think couples are official until it’s on Facebook- but that’s just me. Over at Elizabethany’s RWDC chat they already came-up with a pet name for the two: Pandrea. It sounds like a mix between a bread shop and the blue planet in Avatar.

Regardless of Andrea’s intentions I do have to say Andrew is my new hero- he proves that you can be quirky and weird and still land a model- it does help if you look cute however. Looks like I still have a long way to go…

Erika Is Jealous of Everyone

Erika's ready to smack someone

Erika is just a Debbie downer all episode. First she fails to appreciate one of DC’s biggest sports: soccer. The cast gets to sit in the loud and rowdy Barra Brava section of the stadium and Erika fails to get excited about the game. Hey put a few beers in me and I’ll be ok with bouncing around and screaming. Next she has a phone interview with NPR, which I found weird because most other employers gave cast members face-to-face interviews. Maybe it’s a radio thing.

Well she decides to play phone queen and rags on Mike when he is on the phone with his boy crush before the scheduled interview. Now maybe a simple, “get off in five” note would suffice, but she instead writes a long note about how NPR may call early- may call late- and how she only has one chance to get this right.

Kinda melodramatic right?

Well looks like she was right about one thing- she talked with NPR but later found out she won’t be able to work with them after-all. Cue downward spiral of self loathing and whining.

She tries to write some music to help feel better but instead makes me feel worse because she sounded terrible. I don’t know who’s worse- her or Josh? Maybe a trip to a trendy place like Busboy and Poets might cheer her up? Not really- she sees the lovely Alyssa Suede on stage and you can read the jealousy in her eyes. Later on Callie’s photography is featured on the front page of The

Everybody is happy about Callie's photo... except Erika

Washington Blade and everybody looks happy…except Erika.

Everybody is working hard and earning success, while Erika appears to be working not as hard (or at all) yet failing to gain anything from it.

Things are heading towards an early exit as Erika considers going back home where she can truly be happy and do what she wants (wait what is it that she can’t do here in DC to make her happy? She’s done nothing but moped and cried.) Callie doesn’t take this news well and amongst a heated discussion blurts out, “No one is scripting us, no one is telling us what to do!”

Um Callie… YOU ARE ON THE REAL WORLD. You life right now is far from unscripted.

So is Erika bound to leave? Probably. Are we going to care? I hope you don’t because I don’t.

Memorable Quotes

More on Andrew’s type of girl: “She has so many problems and I love girls with problems.”

Andrew’s true talent: “I’m good for multiple orgasms, its my lot in life.”

One Up

Callie

The more I talk to others about this show the more we can all agree on one thing: Callie is the most normal person in the house. She doesn’t get into trouble and she listens a lot. She did a lot of that this episode.

One Down

Erika

Move out already- I’m tired of your whining- I’m glad Ashley kept her mouth closed this episode or else I’d have her down here too.

Hey I Know That Place!

RFK Stadium: Home of DC United and the Eagle Bank Bowl

Sweetgreen: Still haven’t eaten a salad there.

Bodega: You know this had to be a big date for Andrew- he didn’t take her to Buca.

Busboys and Poets: Some people love it, some people hate it I don’t mind going there with my netbook for all day blogging sessions.

Final Word

I really don’t have a final word for today- but I will repeat what I said earlier: Andrea is really hot.

I'll call 911 right after I bitch out Ty

I should of expected a letdown.

When I said that an episode is the best ever– I am also saying that no other episode could top it. And just like Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, this week’s episode was a minor disappointment compared to last week’s action.

What made last week’s episode so epic?

• Andrew trying to  hit on women to varying results
• Watching Josh creep up on girls and continue to think it’s ok to cheat on his girlfriend with Kelly Ann Collins
• Fighting between Ty and Emily reaching a good balance of drama where it’s not overwhelming but provides another level of complexity in the storylines
• Cliffhanger ending

What did we get last night?

• A storyline dominated by the cliffhanger to the point where it quickly overstayed it’s welcome
• Ty and Emily reaching new levels of annoyance

That’s about it.

Drama In DC

Andrew Suffers From Acute Reality Star Syndrome

The neck collar was a nice touch for someone that was diagnosed with alochol poisoning.

So is Andrew ok? Is Ty going to get kicked out of the house? What happened between Andrew an Ty? So many questions left after last week’s ending, but the show does do a good job in tying up almost all the loose ends.

It appears that there’s no fear of major injury with Andrew since everybody was drunk nonchalant about the situation. While it was reliving to see that Andrew got back up and was able to move all his extremities, Callie does bring up a good point that there’s a risk of a concussion. However we do know that his mind is somewhat in good shape- he doesn’t stop dropping the lines for one moment. So the 911 call is made and DCFD are quickly on the scene. The first responders decide to play it safe and take him to the hospital where he is diagnosed with acute alcohol poisoning-  isn’t that fancy speak with getting really really drunk? I mean what reality show doesn’t end up getting really drunk on TV? In fact you could probably say that being on The Real World DC is a risk factor for acute alcohol poisoning.

At least he was wheeled away with some mementos (which Andrew thinks will get him chicks.) Sorry to tell you Andrew, but chicks don’t dig neck collars like they dig scars.

Oh and for those wondering what really happened between Ty and Andrew that caused the fight can listen to Elizabethany’s The Real Worl DC As We Saw It Podcast for the answers.

Ty Is Still A Dick, Emily Still Hates Him

Ty and Emily fight, house watches- been there, done that.

While Andrew was still himself during the whole ordeal after the fall, so was Ty. The house was quick to turn against him as he was still acting like a jerk while Andrew was being cared to. At the house meeting after the incident the roommates turn against Ty and his “aggressiveness” and blame his drinking. I blame the fact that Ty was simply fulfilling his role as the token angry black guy on the show. I don’t knwo what he didn’t play that card. Nevertheless, under the pressure of the roommates he agrees to never drink again.

Really? There was no way that was going to happen.

And of course it doesn’t, and Ty starts to drink again and talks to the boys about it, who agree that perhaps a no-drinking punishment was a bit too harsh. I agree, the root of the problem is that Ty is just an aggressive, angry person- and we’ve see him like this when he’s drunk or not. What the roommates should of said (or what Ty should of agreed to) was to try an control his temper- and not put him into a position where he is likely to fail. Of course Emily becomes the head referee and is quick to call for his head because he is still drinking, yet still in control.

The rest of the house has also mellowed out on their edict- leaving Emily the sole protester. This is where she got way too annoying for me.

The last scene at the end where she almost has a nervous breakdown at Ty convinced me that this is indeed about more than his drinking. This incident was Emily’s excuse to get one up on him, to get a sense of control.

I hate that. Just as much as Emily hates Ty.

My message to Emily: chill out, I know things aren’t going to work between you and Ty but why become a pariah over the issue? Bottom line is that I can only take so much for Ty, Emily drama and it appeared that Emily was perpetuating it more at the end than Ty, so she leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

Memorable Quotes

Expert medical analysis from Josh: “They discharged him because he’s hydrated and not so intoxicated.”

One Up

Callie

Besides her freak-out when Ty called him fat, she’s clearly the most normal person in the house. Mike is there too but he’s got that whole sexual confusion deal going on.

One Down

Emily

I want to put Ty down here but Emily’s freak-out at the end actually raised my stock in Ty (but not by much.) That’s how annoying she got- I actually started to feel bad for Ty.

Hey I Know That Place!

Kettler Capitals Iceplex: Located in my hood of Arlington, VA; it is the home of the offices of the Washington Capitals where Ty recieves an internship.

Capitol Skyline Hotel: Need a pool? Need a party? They got both.

Garrett’s: Real World tested, MTV approved (which means they probably can’t go anywhere else on M street besides Rhino and Garrett’s.)

Final Word

What else happened on this episode? We meet Andrew’s brother. You can tell that Andrew’s not playing it up- his entire family is just weird.

That family has great fashion.

As you know I am a fan of ESPN’s Bill Simmons and the B.S. Report podcast. Part of the excitement of covering the Real World DC this year was feeling included on Simmon’s podcasts on reality TV that he often does with Dave Jacoby, a fellow ESPN producer. Early on the season things looked bleak as Simmons considered the cast of this year’s season too young- struggling to get into the latest chapter of the granddaddy of all reality TV. However last week’s episode did enough not only to rekindle Simmons’ interest in the season, but to call up Jacoby to do an “emergency podcast” in order to dish about the episode. Here are the bullet points of the 2/26 podcast:

• Jaocby compares The Real World DC to the 2009 New York Jets season: lacking until last week’s turning point.
• Is there a theme of male vs. female relations?
• Emily is described as, “tough on the outside, hollow on the inside”
• The two watched Ty throw Andrew off the porch, “700-800 times” in order to get it straight
• Ty has a charm with women similar to Mike Tyson
• The cameramen never seem to get the best shots on reality TV- just the surveillance cameras
• The two would love to see a show just of surveillance footage of convenience store hold-ups
• Is there a conspiracy that MTV is holding out on some of the footage?
• Josh really can’t sing (and I totally agree)
• They love Callie, the kind of girl that’s pretty but has no self esteem and loves to drunk dial guys
• Emily will dominate the RW/RR challenges

You can listen to the podcast over at the ESPN Podcenter Archives.

Best Episode Ever.

Ya I went there- I’ll go ahead and say it. Last night’s episode had everything I would be remotely interested in when it comes to The Real World: girls, drunken behavior, and more girls. The fights and drama? It was present and did enough to make things interesting, but not overbearing- like the perfect pinch of salt.

If the rest of the season holds up to this standard I may half enjoy watching it.

Drama In DC

Push Comes To Shove For Emily And Ty

The honeymoon is over

So the showmance between the two have cooled- does that mean they will be able to live as roommates amicably? Hell no.

Ty decides to constantly push Emily’s buttons through physical and verbal teasing, once again proving that the two are pretty much married. Even when they “aren’t together” they fight- the tension is so thick you would half expect them to stare each other down before a violet orgy of make-up sex. In some sort of drunken interpretation of The Bro Code, Ty stands his ground when Emily wants to break up yet another instance of Josh cheating on his girl (more on that later.) Emily is visibly shaken when the drunk Ty pushes her around.

Judgment? Well Ty is fully embracing his angry man role on the show. He’s not getting what he wants so he’s going to take it out by getting drunk and angry. The once cool and confident Ty has been replaced by a whiny, tantrum-prone baby. Ty’s angry black man-ness comes to a head when he throws Andrew off the front porch at the end of the show. Will Andrew be alright? Oh no, “to be continued!”

Will Emily and Ty be alright?I’m not holding my breath.

Pimpin’ Panda Finally Gets Laid

Watch out: this beast has been unleashed

The show finally gets back to Andrew’s quest to get laid. He tries his hand at a women that he describes as similar to Erika because she has lots of ink. Then she meets the one… as in the one that will finally sleep with Andrew. You can tell the lady is a true DCist, she gives him her business card before she walks out the door. With a new found sense of pride, Andrew does what any guy would do: go on a ladies blitz of man-whore like levels.

The girl up? Emily. Not not roommate Emily, I’m talking about a girl he met at Rhino Bar. He seals the deal to the dismay of his roommates who would like to see him settle down and date one girl, not “love them all” as Andrew says. Well Andrew does decide to do a little romancing and asks Emily out on a date. The date didn’t really start off on the right foot (Emily admits she considered standing him up) and never really got off the ground (Andrew: she was blabbing about something.)

So that’s 2 for ladies he’s slept with and 0 on dates that have led to second dates.

Josh Does His Best Tiger Woods Impression

Aw man if I was only hot I could have all the ladies line-up for me and my friends.

Remember that time Josh cheated on Ashley with Kelly Ann Collins? You would think that after my blog helped her catch his infidelity he would be more careful.

You were wrong. the beast is out of the cage now and it is all over Washington, DC.

After bringing home yet another girl to hook-up with, Ashley makes a late night phone call that Josh takes with another lady in his bed. On that call he claims that he’ll,  “try and be faithful for the rest of my time.” Of course it’s all B.S. Just like the excuses he makes to her that he can’t help himself. In his defense, it’s not like his own mom is helping him, she tells him to forget about your girlfriend down there. Good to see it all runs in the family. Don’t worry Mrs. Conlon Josh should be making you proud as he and all the other boys in the house are making out with girls up against the walls of Rhino Bar.

We also see two of Josh’s women return back into his life. Ashley visits him and pretty much plays out the same way it did last time:

1. Cuddle/hook-up in bed

2. Ashley says how much she loves Josh

The old home wrecker is back!

3. Ashley leaves

4. Josh cheats on her with Kelly Ann Collins

That’s pretty much what happened except this time Ashley dyed her hair back to brown. Also does Josh feel a bit of guilt that he likes the woman Erika describes as “old” and “a home wrecker?” Possibly- he decides to break up with her after Kelly Ann’s return visit.

By the way KAC isn’t too insulted by Erika’s comments according to Twitter.

Memorable Quotes

Josh’s is allowed to cause drama: “James Bond got a license to kill, rock stars have a license to be outrageous.”

Andrew reaffirming previous stated qualities in women: “I like em young, blond, and ditzy.”

If Andrew was a superhero: “It’s hard when you are this good looking- girls just beg to just come back to sleep with you: it’s your curse, your power, your responsibility.”

The best RWDC house guest quote ever:

Emily (from the bar): “Guys I’m not going to be in the hot tub – I refuse to be one of those girls.”

Chelsea: “It’s too late dude.”

One Up

Josh

I was considering making him my down this week but I’ve come to realize that the show is more enjoyable with him causing trouble on it.

One Down

Ty

Throwing Andrew off the balcony? Not cool, even if half of America wanted to do it after episode 1.

Hey I Know That Place!

Third Edition: I’ve never been but I hear it’s kinda snobby.

Rhino Bar: Where you show up and make-out with women up against the wall. Also how many times can they show this place in one episode?

Kid Power: Where Emily goes to interview for an internship- located in Chinatown.

Buca di Beppo: The official date restaurant of The Real World: Washington D.C.

Edmund Burke School: Where Emily teaches poetry and where people underestimate kids all the time (but not really since Edmund Burke is a co-ed independent school- if it was a DC public school then maybe.)

Final Word

Look I understand Emily that you are teaching poetry but really with the snapping? Where are we,  in a 1995 coffee house?

Sure the Winter games maybe in full swing but I remain vigilant to my duty to provide you with the weekly breakdown of Real World DC. That and I’m not really watching the games at all (has Lindsay Vonn won a gold medal for her SI spread yet?)

Anyways I’m happy that the show has taken a break from the stupid, pointless fight storylines to provide something with a little more substance.

Drama In DC

Mike Comes Out Of The Closet (But Which One?)

Wearing a suit was a wise move for Mike

The episode starts with Mike visiting his local congressman, Representative Jared Polis. Polis is the first is the first openly gay man elected to the House as a freshman according to Wikipedia, which makes him a no-brainer appearance for the show.  His meeting with Mike made for one of the more serious and well-done scenes of the entire series. Mike who has been in confusion of his sexuality meets a person that he can look up to as he catches the political bug that bites almost everybody that lives in DC.

Two other notes about this visit:

1. Good thing he learned from his earlier job interview that you should put on a suit when you are meeting somebody important.
2. It’s cool that Polis has appeared on the cover of Metro Weekly, but why take a photo of the framed cover when you could grab a photo of the actual man?

Mike realizes his true love is back home

Meanwhile, Mike’s casual relationship with Eric is great but he is slowly realizing that Tanner (boyfriend back home) is really the guy for him. He attempts to call him to patch things up but has to talk to him through their friend Meghan. Really? Not that I don’t think Tanner was too upset to talk to him, I just think it’s really dramatic to have somebody else act as a negotiator between the two. Regardless the two patch things up and Tanner agrees to visit- but not before Mike’s own family stops by.

Awkward gay kiss

Mike’s family flies in from Colorado and visits the house. Mike takes his little brother out to Adams Morgan (pretty much the place you should take out-of-towners visiting) and shows off his “bi-ness” by making out with Callie.

Ya it must of been as awkward as it looked on TV, however I can relate to him for having the feeling that he has to prove something in front of his family. I may or may not have gone on rampant displays of affection to show my friends I’m a ladies man.

Mike’s tension with his family over his sexuality come to a head when his mom and him have lunch with his HRC bosses. Mike’s Mom learns of his work and his passion for LGBT issues and tells him how proud she is in a teary exchange.

While the moment is reality TV gold I have trouble with he fact we only assume he is coming out of the closet that he’s gay. We don’t see Mike clearly admitting that he’s gay- only his mom talking about his son as a gay man. So there’s still a little bit of ambiguity on the issue. Is Mike truly out of the closet as a gay man or as a bi man?

Battle Of The Band Between Josh And Erika

The two musicians in the cast finally get a storyline as they both try and start a band to varying degrees of success.

The beast is unleashed, but can't sing

Josh quickly finds a group of musicians to start a band with, with him as the front man and singer. He admits that he’s front man material because he attracts attention- interesting to say when you only been in two of the eight episodes so far, sounds like you need to work on attracting the attention of the producers.

However he does have the look of a front man and probably would make a great one- except he doesn’t know that he’s missing a key ingredient: the ability to sing. Through practices we hear that Josh can’t really hold down a tune. During a practice at the house he admits he was off because he skipped a line- I don’t know if skipping a lyric can account for the fact you are tone deaf. Will Josh’s new band, Wicked Liquid, take off? Well so far they have been using the attention from the show to get gigs but will they keep coming now that we see that they have a front man who can’t sing?

Erika only wants one thing for X-mas: a band

Erika on the other hand is more talented but is a diva, drama queen, and can’t find a band (or isn’t trying hard enough.)

She spots a violin/duo that she’d love to work with, but after their car breaks down on the morning of their first rehearsal she refuses to work with them. Sounds a little harsh considering they e-mailed later expressing their continued interest.

Even though she wants to be in a band so bad she doesn’t seem to be doing anything to fix it besides whining. Mike suggests posting ads but she counters with, “it didn’t work in Chicago- why would it work in DC?” Maybe because they are different cities with different scenes and needs in the community. Wow Erika- way to be a go-getter. Also she cites that only 20% of the music industry is women, a fact I can’t really confirm but she is right that women are a small piece of the music industry.

Erika doesn't understand why Ian won't answer his phone after 14 calls

When Erika isn’t whining about her music she’s whining about missing her boyfriend Ian. She gets jealous that Ian is in a room with other women (OMG!) It’s not like Erika is not surrounded by other men when the cast goes out to the DC hotspots. Later in the episode she finally starts to reveal her psycho side when she can’t get a hold of Ian and ends up calling him 14 times.

I knew that the girl was a crazy bitch.

Memorable Quotes

Erika on how often cars break down: “People’s cars just don’t break down  like the morning that it’s supposed to happen.”

Josh on how he’s front man material: “You just take one look at me and that’s about it- that’s all you need.”

Josh on his music making process: “That’s what we do- we make hits, we make magic and we’ll have a solid album in like a matter weeks.”

One Up

Josh

Sure he can’t sing for the life of him but he’s always good for great quotes.

One Down

Erika

Sure she can sing but she’s slowly revealing that she is nothing but trouble.

Hey I Know That Place!

Office of Jared S. Polis: L0cated in the Canon House Office Building.

Washington Sports Club: Apparently there is a gym on 15th & P that’s really gay, Vida Fitness? Results Gym? I wonder which one he’s talking about.

Tom Tom: Ya maybe if I was at Tom Tom I’d want to prove my masculinity as well.

HRC: We finally get the name of the mysterious handler/co-worker that always is in any HRC scenes- his name is also Mike.

Final Word

I love ridiculous action in the background of shots- like a shot of The Situation making out with a girl during a Ronnie scene on Jersey Shore. That being said did anybody see Emily sleeping at the keyboard when Mike went to talk on the phone?

Emily can't you find another place to take a nap?

Even being snowed in could make watching this week’s episode of the Real World DC any more bearable. Sure I know that petty fighting is a reality show staple but three straight weeks of it is almost as annoying as four straight days of snow days (ok maybe we’re spoiled down here in DC but at this point everybody is getting a little bit sick of the snow.)

Drama In DC

Mike: Bi Now Gay Later?

The Front Page: Perfect place for a discreet date.

Mike has started, “a thing” with Eric whom he met in the previous episode. While things are going well it appears that the two can’t get over the fact Eric is openly gay and Mike is semi-openly bi. Eric suspects Mike’s really gay and feels some frustration that this could only be a summer fling as their feelings grow stronger. Even though Mike hasn’t hooked up with a girl in a year, he’s still willing to show off his bi-ness by talking to girls in the bar, making Eric all the more jealous.

Despite these few bumps everything appears to be fine for the two- which is more that we can say about Ashley and Erika…

Who Do We Hate More: Ashley Or Erika

Can we save the drama for our Mamas? Also keep our mamas out of this.

The main fighting storyline this week revolves around Erika and Ashley, who are growing less and less fond of each other. They reach the point where literally any wrong move could spark another outburst complete with yelling and crying.

The problem here is that both of these girls are attention hungry, overly sensitive, high-maintenance drama queens. The defining difference is that Ashley is more blunt while Erika is more prone to crying and sob/pity stories. That doesn’t make any one of them any less guilty of being a drama queen.

However if I had to pick one that’s more annoying right now it’s Ashley. While Erika isn’t a saint by any measure I feel that Ashley has been more prone to get into your face (like when she said she wouldn’t argue but blow up 5 seconds later.) I felt somewhat happy to see the rest of the house gang up on her during the episode when she pulled out some low blows and insulted Erika’s parents. I didn’t know there was an honor code about keeping parents out of the fray on The Real World.

The episode ended with the two calling a truce- we’ll see how long this lasts.

The Real World House Is A Mess

A minor sub-plot throughout the episode was the fact the house is an absolute mess. It took them 7 episodes to address the issue- but really what do you expect? It’s hard enough keeping things clean with eight roommates, try eight college-aged roommates that are probably treating the place an upscale dorm room. No wonder they gutted the place after they moved out.

Two Up

Emily & Callie

They did a lot of listening, and kept out of the drama for the most part- and when they did jump in they took the side I was rooting for at the time.

Two Down

Erika & Ashley

You want to know how to get on this section every week? Be the petty fight storyline of the week. I can’t stand both of them at this point.

Look I Know That Place!

The Front Page: Where Mike and Eric go out on a date. Not that bad of a place, I’ve had a couple of nights there before.

The Grill from Ipanema: Located in Adams Morgan, cute name.

Garrett’s Restaurant and Railroad Tavern: Every time I walk by Garrett’s I also peek to see if anybody is eating at the table in front of the window. I’ve only seen one couple get seated there- not exactly the best seat in the house, or is it?

Urban Outfitters: The cast was spotted at the store numerous times during the summer, even though they showed an interior store shot after seeing them walk in, it had to have been cut from another store- Urban Outfitters didn’t allow the cameras in and they photogs had to wait outside anytime they shopped there.

American Eagle: The Georgetown location is now closed.

Ultra Zone: When the cast said they were up for a game of laser tag I first thought they might of been planning to go to Shadowland, but I was happy to see they traveled down to close to my ‘hood. I’ve played laser tag there a few times and it’s always a great time.

McFadden’s: Is it just me or did they cut in a shot of Fly Lounge during the McFadden’s scene.

Nellie’s Sports Bar: This time they visit without being all homophobic.

Final Word

I’ll repeat again, Bunin Murray I hope you have some more interesting story-lines ahead, I don’t know if I can watch another episode where it’s all about two cast members fighting over nothing.

“He’ll walk around DC in that Panda hat, try and make funny jokes, and perhaps say something inappropriate to a cast member or woman- but he’s a wannabe lover- not a fighter.”

Didn't Emily and Ty have a fight right there last week?

That’s what I wrote about Andrew after we first saw him in the first episode of The Real World DC.

Looks like I was wrong.

It appears that fighting is in the air, after Emily and Ty have a tiff in the previous episode, this week’s episode centers around a pointless argument between Andrew and Ashley.

Two sides, too stubborn to end a pointless battle. While some think The Real World DC has gone back to it’s usual trite drama this maybe more DC than you think.

Drama In DC

Andrew And Ashley Have A Pointless Fight

So how did this all start? Ashley feels that she doesn’t know Andrew as well as she’d like and wants to get to know him better. Andrew doesn’t show more beyond his goofy exterior and interior motives of getting laid. While Ashley finds Andrew funny, she feels uncomfortable when his act goes a little too far.

Rough-housing or Physical Abuse?

Things blow up when the two goof around during a pizza dinner. She tries to smear pizza on his face; he tries to smear pizza on her bed; and before you know it he takes empty boxes and tries to throw them her way. What he thought was just another act of horseplay is something she doesn’t react kindly too.

Coming from a past of physical abuse she doesn’t like the gesture at all and the two argue to the point she leaves the house and spends the night at the hotel.

In the words of Emily during the show, “seriously?”

While I feel that victims of abuse shouldn’t be taken lightly, I feel that Ashley actually disrespects them by using it as a veil to go about and tell her story to the rest of the roommates, looking for sympathy. It reminds me how Vinny on Jersey Shore just walked around announcing that he got pink-eye. Is this something you really want to walk around the house telling everyone? I feel for the rest of the roommates, who looked just as disinterested as I was about the fight.

So after spending the night at the hotel she the two stop talking, each believing the other needs to apologize first. In a memorable scene, Andrew grabs a book on body language and is seen reading the chapter on conflict, comparing the photo examples with her current demeanor. Now Andrew isn’t innocent in the affair either, he walks around calling Ashley a drama queen, refusing to let her win.

So who do I think the winner is in this fight? No one. Ashley is a drama queen and Andrew is acting like a jerk. Unbelievable that this started over a pizza.

Callie Doesn’t Know What LGBT Means

While Mike is busy working over at the HRC, it’s time for everybody else to get jobs. Or at least for MTV to hook them up with jobs. Callie goes in for an interview at the Washington Blade (now the DC Agenda.) The Blade was unexpectedly shut down by its parent company a couple of months after Callie finished her internship with the paper. Back in December I talked with Callie about the incident and she told me she was surprised to hear about its fate, telling me about all the good times she had while working at the paper.

Well those good times started off rough, after securing an interview she had to create a resume and in college student fashion waited til the last minute to get it done.

Tip: Don't wait til you are 15 minutes late to get ready for your job interview

The morning of the interview she runs around half dressed, without a resume, freaking out about the situation. While her roommates put some finishing touches on the resume Callie expresses her frustration that she doesn’t even know how to use the Metro system.

It’s ok I don’t think WMATA knows either.

She arrives at the Washington Blade offices, under-dressed like all the other Real World job interviews, and tells editor-in-chief Kevin Naff that she knows nothing of Gay & Lesbian issues.

Unqualified? Absolutely not! She is on MTV after all.

Naff decides to give her a test assignment at Halo’s 5th anniversary party. She snaps some photos while Mike meets a new guy, Eric. Mike brings Eric back to the house where Eric pushes Mike onto the bed and the two hook-up.

So Mike is working over at HRC and Callie now has a job at the Washington Blade. They all live in a house in Dupont Circle. I wonder what the theme of the season is going to be? Is this what MTV thinks of when they think of Washington D.C.? I only question this because they could also be showing off other things about D.C.- like politics maybe?

Memorable Quotes

Andrew knows all too much how I feel about living here: “It’s tough to be a guy in Washington D.C.”

Two Up

Emily

Sure I was down on you last week, but you earned some points as soon as you reacted to Ashley leaving the house for a hotel.

Josh

I think I got your role on the show down, you are either cheating on your girlfriend or listening to other roommates bitch while looking cool and collected.

Two Down

Ashley & Andrew

Save the drama for your mamas. That fight was a waste of an episode.

Look I Know That Place!

ACKC Cocoa Bar: I’ve walked by it but never been- I prefer coffee.

National Press Building: Home to many media outlets and former home of The Washington Blade.

Tom Tom: I’ve been there a couple of times, nothing memorable.

HRC: Where we learn Mike is working on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell related issues- very apropos given the current attention given to it.

The Churchill Hotel: Located a couple of blocks from the house, I wonder if MTV paid for the room. Amazed that MTV would simply let one of the cast members spend the night away from all the cameras.

The Metro: MTV don’t try and fool us- I totally saw you splice in a shot of an train in NE DC while Ashley and Callie were traveling underground from 14th street back to Dupont.

Final Word

Andrew, you still need to work on your game. You try and take home this girl (named Andrea, but not to be confused with another Andrea you’ll meet later) and your best line is , “come see my house?” Almost as transparent as, “wanna come back to my place and see a movie?”

Another tip: Girls don't dig the animal hats.