Damnable Kickball


Kickball. Fun pastime or Scourge of the District? To hear the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front tell it, you’d think that Kickball was the favored activity of all manner of evils from Napoleon’s Imperialism and European Fascism through to modern Islamist Terrorism. Check out their charge to battle:

Think of those eyes now turning to you my friends each time you hear that whistle and the whack of an adult foot on a rubber playground ball. What do those eyes tell you when the asshole-parade of rainbow shirts suddenly crowds into your holy places of drink and real camaraderie? What will you say to your children whom you allowed to be so cowed by the yuppie class war that they whine about your feet and cannot begin to function without a social life you had Fedexed for them from China? I’ll tell you your answer! I say NO! NO! NO to the Reebok boot of chump-hood against the neck of our future! NO to the gentrified repackaging and reduction of our heritage to predetermined color-codes. NO to this flight from reality back to little-league baseball insulation! And God Damnit NO to this invasion stupefying lock-step collectivism into our beer-flowing foundries of revolutionary thought!

Folks, this site is an epic masterpiece of Kickball-hatred the likes I haven’t seen since my friend John was picked last for Kickball in the fourth grade. The tirade that he spouted, aged up to his current near-thirty vocabulary, looks remarkably similar to the screed of the new Guerilla Front. Check out their methods of operation, or tell them that your hatred of kickball is best described as an 18-wheeler packed with starved wolves.

Viva la revoluciĆ²n!

5 Comments so far

  1. Jenn L (unregistered) on September 17th, 2007 @ 1:35 pm

    “Like a sickening monochrome slime these homogonized social stamp-outs will spread influence through the Capital region until life here is indistinguishable from living inside a frat-house wrapped in Old Navy clothing all tucked inside a giant Walmart.”

    This site is hysterical. I love it. How did you find this??

  2. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on September 17th, 2007 @ 2:10 pm

    A friend IM’d it to me this morning! It’s pretty damned awesome.

  3. Paulo (unregistered) on September 17th, 2007 @ 2:26 pm

    I am said friend. Found it on Wonkette. If DC CL RNR is to be believed, kickball/anti-kickball tensions have led to near-brawls in local pubs.

  4. Joelogon (unregistered) on September 17th, 2007 @ 5:29 pm

    I guess things are worse in the District, with the limited park space and dearth of (cough) drinking options available to people. I don’t think we’re as reviled in the suburbs.

    Then again, looking at their tactics page, I think they’re just looking for an excuse to play with poo.

  5. WFY (unregistered) on September 17th, 2007 @ 5:37 pm

    There are so many better ways to tear an ACL than kickball.

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