Express My Ass

I’ve been on a sushi kick lately, so while I was out and about this afternoon I decided to stop in the local Whole Paycheck to pick-up one of those overpriced sampler trays. With my one stinking item, I headed for the express checkout. Express my ass.

After waiting and waiting with my brethren small-purchase linemates, I peered ahead to see what the problem was. Sure enough, some math-challenged mom-bitch with easily three or four times the maximum 8 items for the express line was holding us up. The sheepish clerk said nothing while he filled up her two paper bags worth of “express” items. Obviously a newbie, he wasn’t helping matters by letting her get away with it in the first place, not to mention the fact he was so green he had to consult the numbers book to ring up every produce item in her arsenal. The icing on the cake came when she stood there the entire time until getting the total before finally pulling out her purse, digging through it for a few minutes, getting out her credit card, and handing it to the clerk. Hello? McFly? There was a credit/debit card swiper right in front of your face the whole time and you can initiate payment after the first item is scanned by the clerk.

“Christ what a bitch,” I muttered under my breath a little too loudly because it drew chuckles all around from everyone except the greenhorn. Some days it just doesn’t pay to leave the house.

14 Comments so far

  1. Sligo (unregistered) on July 14th, 2007 @ 5:28 pm

    Hey, at least she didn’t write a check.

  2. Carl Weaver (unregistered) on July 14th, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

    People get away with that stuff because we don’t have much of a vigilante culture. We need to change that. Carry too many items to the express line, sure you can get rung out but it comes with a free beat-down.

  3. tobias (unregistered) on July 14th, 2007 @ 6:05 pm

    people like that are annoying, but you are the one who sounds like a bitch. No offense.

  4. Mike (unregistered) on July 14th, 2007 @ 6:52 pm

    I’m sure it wasn’t the case this time — but sometimes when the express lane is empty they’ll call over a customer with a lot of items. If you walk up later when they’re halfway done checking out, they look like a rulebreaker. The solution is to ask them if that’s what happened and if they say no, then apply the beatdown.

    I’d also like cash registers in express lanes to announce when the limit has been broken. “BEEP! You are ONE item over this line’s limit! BEEP! You are TWO items over this line’s limit!”

  5. davis (unregistered) on July 14th, 2007 @ 8:22 pm

    Are the express lanes at Whole Foods _ever_ empty? I don’t think I’ve seen an empty check out line at Whole Foods in years.

  6. sophiagrrl (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 8:39 am

    I probably resemble this whole story. Especially the ‘mom-bitch’ part. So, you don’t say, but I can assume she had a kid with her? Or was she just old, so tht made her a mom? I’m unclear and it’s made me a bit bitchy. She was also a newbie, so you say… so she was confused and maybe juggling too much and committed to the line before she realized she was in the WRONG place… and you know what, it sucks to be that person. I’m a sharp lady, head of my class, high performer…and there have been a few moments where I’ve had mommy-brain and done something stupid but harmless. The harm is in calling her (me) a bitch to the people around. It’s a freakin’ check out! It would have been remarkable if anyone beside the clerk (who you condemn) had actually been nice instead of self-important and snarky. Sorry you were slowed in your sushi consumption. This whole post came across as very immature and hurtful for no good reason.

  7. Doug (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 8:56 am

    On the contrary, she appeared completely could-care-less to the fact she was holding up a large line of legitimate express lane users. And I wouldn’t complain about it if this was a rare occurrence, rather I run across people who snub the rules constantly and it pisses me off. What ever happened to consideration and etiquette? We live in a densely populated metro area, so I guess there are two approaches: cooperation or push others out of the way to get to your agenda first. The latter seems to be the more popular.

  8. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 9:37 am

    Sophia, the checkouts at Whole Foods are pretty clearly labeled Express or not. It’s clearly a case where she screwed the pooch, and in doing so, inconvenienced everyone around her.

    You can get called harmless names for that, and it’s deserved.

  9. Radman (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 10:26 am

    Let me tell you how I handle this situation. I start muttering to myself things like: “what the hell is the problem?” “i thought this was the express line” “is this the under 10 items or under 50 items line?”

    you get the picture. i say it loud enough for those behind me to start laughing and those in front of me to start feeling uncomfortable.

  10. Mike (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 11:20 am

    “She was also a newbie, so you say… so she was confused and maybe juggling too much and committed to the line before she realized she was in the WRONG place… and you know what, it sucks to be that person.”

    It only sucks if you care that you’re holding other people up. If that’s the case, you turn around and apologize to those behind you.

  11. sophiagrrl (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 1:16 pm

    Yay, I get to be the troll!

    What got under my skin and still irks is the “mom-bitch” name-calling in the blog itself. People are slow and dumb and get confused by self-checkouts (that are full of bugs and never work right anyhow, so don’t get your panties in a wad). I get as impatient with insensitive idiots as the next person. All ya’ll are right on that. Humor and help are the best remedies.

    But in this post, this author used names that are mean for the sake of being mean and as a mom and as a bitch, it is important to speak out. Was this woman with a kid? Was she pregnant? If either are true, then there could be several reasons for her being slow in line. If she was not, then I think it’s reasonable to find the whole article petty and hateful.

    I checked online and the Urban Dictionary does have a definition of “mom-bitch” which is more of a pushy, bitchy person. That doesn’t seem the accurate use here, which is something more like, “stupid breeder, get out of the way of my fabulousness and my sushi.”

    If it had been me, I’d have apologized to the others in line and hoped your sushi gave you some scromboid. As a reader, mom, and bitch, I’m just sharing my take on the author’s choice of slander. So long as I see “dad-bastard” in print next week, I’ll know the world is in balance.

  12. Doug (unregistered) on July 15th, 2007 @ 2:32 pm

    Whoa Sophia, you’re taking this a little too personally. Let’s just say it was any person, regardless of race, gender or age–it’s downright rude to disregard the rules of conduct in any situation and I see people doing it all the time.

    Examples: An ATM is meant to be quick and convenient, yet I constantly have to stand broiling in the sun while some asshole in front of me yaks on his cellphone while checking the balance on his 14 credit cards to see which one of them isn’t over the limit.

    A red light means stop. Not around here, if I had a dime for every time I was almost run over by some jerk roaring through an intersection illegally I would own a penthouse in Manhattan.

    “Don’t crowd the doors on the Metro, move to the center of the car.” Whatever. There is a woman, who I have the unfortunate circumstance of having the same schedule, who makes it a daily habit of shoving others in front of her out of the way to exit or enter the train or get on the escalator.

    And so on. The point is if more people showed common sense and courtesy we’d all get where we’re trying to go a whole lot faster and safer. Thank god I don’t drive a car, there are countless posts on this blog about the idiots out on the beltway.

  13. Daniel (unregistered) on July 16th, 2007 @ 11:39 am

    Its all part of a culture where the rules apply to the other people, not to me….
    frack, I get embarrassed if I have miscalculated and am one item over the limit.. People have lost that feeling of embarrassment that they are inconveniencing others… they deserve public ridicule if they have forgotten how to do it to themselves….

  14. Doug (unregistered) on July 16th, 2007 @ 4:55 pm

    Maybe I should have taken her picture and posted it along with the article. ;-)

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