Falls Church’s Influenza Self-Care Guide

I got an email from the City of Falls Church saying that the Fairfax County Health Department is mailing an Influenza self-care guide to all Falls Church City residents. Cool, I thought. That’s great that the County is stepping up to help us out with a major source of illness by encouraging us to sneeze into tissues or even a sleeve instead of our hands and to stay home when we are sick and not be like that douchebag kid who got perfect school attendance and then kicked in the nuts by Don as a reward. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t fault Don. That kid had it coming for spreading disease through his school for all those years. A regular Typhoid Mary, that one.

Yeah, that’s all cool, but why would they send this email to me if I don’t live in Falls Church or Fairfax County? Why rub my nose in it? What about the rest of us? Here I am, your humble servant, presenting you with the whole of the document. Click here and take two sips of room-temperature Sprite. It has medicinal effects.

What special tricks do you have to avoid the flu? Are you like my old boss, who would slather himself with antimicrobial gel immediately after shaking someone’s hand?

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