Top 25 Fictional DC Resident: #11 Cigarette Smoking Man

Name: Cigarette Smoking Man
Age: Good question.
Job: I’d like to know too.
Agenda: Good luck with that.

Spender aka Cigarette Smoking Man aka Cigarette Man aka Cancer Man aka Old Smokey has more nicknames than a Maureen Dowd column. No wonder: deciphering the intricacies of his plots inspires one to epithets, if not hard liquor.

Cigarette Smoking Man is the ultimate Washington insider. His multiplicity–pies his fingers have been linked to include cover ups of alien invasion plans, assasinations of JFK and MLK Jr., fixing Superbowls and Academy Awards–is only matched by his survivability. Marion Barry has met his match: Cigarette Smoking Man outlived cancer, sniper bullets, and betrayal by his operatives. Just when you think he’s out of the picture, he’s back smoking up the place.

In our last encounter with Cigarette Smoking Man, it looked like a missile barrage finally did him in. I, for one, hope this spooky sonuvabitch stays dead.

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