so you know you know someone w/ a costco membership and once a year, it’s worth making the brave trip to pentagon city or beltsville. but have you ever hung-out at costco on a lazy sunday afternoon? totally chill, where one can peruse the aisles casually for the 20 pack of tuna or underwear, a 3 gallon tub of the finest brie or brake fluid – – ha ha ha.

actually, on sundays it’s a total madhouse. people are scrambling to get their fill before the school week begins. everything becomes a dire need — gas, crab legs, commercial size aluminum foil and of course tanks of toilet paper.

what i don’t take enough advantage of is the classy costco cafe. i can sit, sip on a fruit smoothie (made mainly sugar & water) and enjoy a chicken bake (w/bacon) or a pizza bigger than my 17″ monitor in the serenity of plastic picnic tables and all the chopped onions or relish that i desire. or at least that’s what some people think. last sunday, as i was chowing down on a slab of pizza, i see a woman fill a plastic drinking cup to the brim with chopped onions out of the onion dispenser. if you’ve never seen the dispenser, it’s this crazy convenient container that you hand-crank and unlimited gobs of chopped onions come out. she then proceeded to put a lid on the cup and walk out w/ a cup full of onions.

wow, you think about it, and sure the condiments are complimentary, but are you suppose to take a cup full for consumption on the go? maybe she wanted an onion shake — stick a straw in the cup and instant gratification for that sharp biting taste of a white onion. or she was really hankering for an onion salad — stick a fork & dig in — she can chomp away on onions to her hearts content. the benefit-of-the-doubt thought is her family bought 20 hotdogs and she figured she’d get the condiments for everyone so they didn’t have to get up.

anyway, i know this isn’t the only case of condiment hoarding. dc bachelor’s most popular post in 2005 on how to get free starbucks lead me to starbucks gossip, where i read through screens and screens of things that customers try to swipe from the condiment bar. my favorite is the “poor man’s latte” where a customer makes their own iced latte using milk from the condiment bar. i admit, i’ve done something similar where i order a grande iced mocha, transfer the liquid into a venti cup and proceed to add a cupful of milk to top it off. my reasoning is more that the starbucks mochas have so much chocolate, it makes me choke, but rather than feeling gypped about paying for a full shot of chocolate by only asking for a half shot, i’d rather make up the difference w/ milk.

anyway, i’m not condoning the behavior, but many a condiment’s a condiment, and not meant to be a whole meal.