Dear Crazy SUV Driving Motherfracker,

I realize that this is DC, and that your hurry is likely more important than mine, so clearly I do not matter. I can tell you work in politics, because your black Expedition/Land Yacht/Urban Assault Vehicle has not one but two yellow ribbons admonishing me to support our troops, and while my car has none, you felt it was okay to cut me off. Well, that and the VA License Plate that reads LIF A GIF which is, I’m sure, your clever way of politicizing a license plate for the Pro-Life lobby here in town. And I understand you’re welcome to believe that the theory of evolution isn’t all that, but the whole Truth fish swallowing the Darwin fish won’t win you any influence with me. But the real issue was that you cut me off on 395, as you just HAD to swerve across two lanes to get into the HOV lane at the 14th Street Bridge. There was nearly an accident, but us small people in our normal sized cars clearly don’t matter, because you’re out there doing God’s Work in your SUV.

I really, really hope you spend some quality time in a persistent vegetative state and that your family won’t pull the plug for 20 years because that would be an affront to God and God’s plan for you.

No Love,
Tom