“Try not to move while the machine is on…”

I spent this morning in the lovely new GWU Hospital. Gleaming floors, expansive windows, huge Grecian urns and plasma TVs – wow. They really went all out, didn’t they? A far cry from the last time I was there, blood pouring out of a gash in my husband’s eyebrow, the result of his inadvertently walking into a steel staircase at Club Insomnia. That old emergency room was a real pit.

I was there for a CT Scan of my sinuses, a follow-up to my recent allergy testing. Now, I’m seriously claustrophobic. I’ll get off a too-crowded metro train and I cringe fighting through crowded platforms. I have nightmares about tunnels and being buried alive. No joke. So I was fearing this procedure, thinking it would be the one where you have to lie inside a coffin-shaped machine for forty minutes.

But when I entered the room, I saw just a rather silly-looking machine with what looked like a large donut on top. “Piece of cake,” I thought. Until I lie down with my neck immobilized at a weird angle, and then the donut flips over and rotates around until its edge is at my throat like a guillotine blade and all I can see is a whirling thing inside and the bench I’m lying on starts jerking closer and closer until my head is pinioned underneath what is now the Evil Donut Machine from Hell.

But hey, nice improvement to the facilities. I just need a drink now, and it isn’t even noon yet!

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