Archive for the ‘WTF?!’ Category

In The News: Buried Dog Turns Out To Be Balloon

I give the Washington Post credit for occasionally posting lighter stories going on around the DC area- like this one that caught my eye:

A resident reported that a white dog appeared to be stuck in heavy snow in a yard; it had not moved in some time, and the caller feared for the animal’s safety. An officer entered the yard and discovered that the “dog” was a metalized nylon balloon with the face of a white dog on it. The balloon had become lodged in the snow.

At least the resident meant well.

Photo courtesy Flickr user Rafael Robayna

Snowgasm: Where Arlington Alert Says You Should Lay Low

I am easily amused by DC’s over reaction in warning people of massive events. So I’ll just let the text of the Arlington Alert I received yesterday say it all:

Another severe winter storm, with near blizzard conditions, is forecast to hit Arlington Fri., Feb. 5 through Sat., Feb. 6. Be prepared to shelter in place for 3 to 5 days . Please stay off the roads. Snow crews will plow primary and secondary roads first for emergency vehicles. After severe storms (more than 10”), it may take 36-48 hours after the snow stops before County plows can get to residential streets.
If they think I’ll be snowed for 3-5 days for a near-blizzard, what should we do if Snogasm turns into a full fledged Snopocalypse?

Metro Above Ground Service Halted And More About The Snow Apocalypse

My roommate Caroline is so cute when she tries to rake snow.

My roommate is so cute when she tries to rake snow.

I woke up early this morning to my phone- my mom was calling me because she heard that Washington, DC might get a little snow today.

That was an understatement.

I was still nestled in my bed and I told her that I already experienced the snowfall as I was driving home from Alexandria. There was a good amount of snowfall and I was stuck driving on the GW Parkway behind an entire convoy of dump truck plows.

After talking with my mom I decided to look outside and I saw two things: snow, and my roommate trying to sweep away the snow using a rake.

That was the first lesson I learned: next time make sure we have snow shovels.

I’m originally from New England so I’m not too phased by snow, it’s the reason I always carry a compact snow shovel and brush in my trunk. However I forgot that since I moved into Arlington, I should of thought of buying a snow shovel. I avoided the bread and milk rush but I a shovel would of been a good idea.

But it was funny watching my roommate rake snow.

Besides making sure you have a shovel I thought I’d share some other things I’ve noticed through all the social media buzz about snOMG.

Metro is not running above ground

It was just announced that the Metrobus and Metrorail system will close above ground operations at 1 P.M. With snowfall rising above 8 inches, Metro believes that by 1 PM the third rail that powers the cars will be fully covered.

Here’s the modified schedule the trains will run:

Yellow Line – Service from Pentagon to Crystal City only

Red Line – Service between Medical Center and Union Station only

Orange Line – Service between Ballston and Stadium-Armory only

Green Line – Service between Fort Totten and Congress Heights only

Blue Line – Service between Ballston (extended to Blue Line) and Stadium-Armory only

Everything is canceled

Virginia is in a state of emergency and I’ve already seen everything in Arlington county close down. I wouldn’t be surprised if everything where you are around is canceled as well. So make sure you go online and check websites if you have plans you are still committing to today and tonight. For instance I just received word that Ford’s Theatre is canceling tonight’s performance of A Christmas Carol. If you were expecting to go to a show or concert make sure you check ahead. Also it looks like the Smithsonian will be closed all weekend and flights in and out of DC are grounded.

Leave no man behind in the snow

I’ve seen a lot of messages and tweets mentioning the DC Hypothermia Watch Partner Program. If you see any of DC’s homeless residents outside, you can call the Emergency Hypothermia Hotline (800 535-7252) and a van will pick-up homeless people left outside and transport them to a local shelter.

Washington D.C. is under a snow emergency

Mayor Adrian Fenty has declared a snow emergency as of 7 a.m. and that means several things that will affect parking and transportation.

You can still drink

Some of you may have stocked up on Milk, Bread, and Beer and plan on drinking your way through the weekend. Those in Clarendon (like me) also have another option. Liberty Tavern is offering a happy hour between 2-5 today for those that mention they are there to watch the snow with the Capital Weather Gang. Luckily I can easily walk me way to there from my place.

And just remember, it’s been almost a year since Obama called us wimpy when it comes to snow.


Bad Luck: Woman Accepts Mountain-Side Proposal Then Falls Off Mountain

Photo courtesy Flickr user QuiteLucid

Photo courtesy Flickr user QuiteLucid

The headline says it all: “Fall on Trail in Md. Is a Scary Climax To Proposal Outing.”

The Washington Post story instantly got a click when I saw it in my reader.

Last Sunday a couple went on a hike on the Billy Goat Trail near Great Falls, MD.  While hiking, the guy took the moment to be all romantic and pop the question, to which the girl swoons and accepts. Shortly after the woman falls down a rock face and had to be air-lifted off the mountain.

Luckily the injuries were not life threatening, and according to officials there was no alcohol involved and the couple appeared to be experienced hikers. What could of been a tragic tale goes down as a very odd news item.

You can check out The Post story which includes video of the rescue, maybe next time you should just stick to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Psst! Need a Ticket? ‘Skins Scalp Seats in Secondary Market


It’s an amazing testament to the NFL’s drawing power that a team like the Redskins still have the following they do.  Since 1997, the ‘Skins have posted just three winning seasons, signed ineffective, aging former superstars to contracts for ungodly amounts of money, sued fans, tried to stop you from walking to the stadium, or at least made you pay for parking even if you didn’t drive, and have supported the nuttiness that is Daniel F. Snyder.

None of which has dissuaded the Redskins faithful.  It is still one of the most profitable sports franchises in the world, potentially racist logo and all, despite the many missteps of the past twelve years. Still they show up, not just paying the overly expensive face value for a ticket, but often paying 2-3 times that through the “secondary” market.  “Oh well” you’re thinking, “If this is what the market demands…”

But maybe it doesn’t.

Unfortunately, it looks like the ticket sales for the ‘Skins aren’t all they are cracked up to be-and it probably cost you a lot of extra dough to boot.  The Post reported today that the people in the Redskins ticket sales office sold lots and lots of tickets to brokers (which, as Deadspin points out, is a fancy way to say “scalper”) directly.  You know, rather than to fans who wanted to go to the game.

So guess what-if you bought a ticket from Stub Hub, or (like I did) Ebay and you paid more than face value for those tickets last year, there is a chance you got hosed.  Not just by the scalper, but by the Redskins as well.  Honestly, of all the anti-consumer, disloyal, unfriendly and just bad things you can do-this takes the cake.  In most states there are laws that prevent the sale of tickets directly to brokers to protect consumers from being over charged for the value of the ticket.  Creating a scarcity of tickets by not making them available directly to fans is abhorrent, and I’m kind of glad I’m not already a fan-because this wold be something that might put me over the edge.  The idea that I could have maybe bought my tickets for a fair price but couldn’t because the team I spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars a year on was complicit in this act?  Unconscionable!

The official story is that this was the act of rogue employees who have been “dealt with” (whatever the heck that means!) and that Snyder was shocked and outraged-but I remain skeptical.  Especially since the one broker who spoke with the post said he was offered the lower seats only if he bought more expensive ones as well.  It seems very possible that this was just an easier way to sell tickets, and create a demand around a franchise that, frankly, hasn’t been good for a long time.

Between the ‘Skins’ excuse that it was actually only a small portion of the actual tickets sold, and the “Broker’s” opinion that without him it would be really hard to get tickets I am about to lose the coffee I had for lunch.  This isn’t a case of someone buying a bunch of tickets to lift a TV ban so that folks can see the game-this is a case of the company you support actively ripping you off.

And it won’t matter.  Fans won’t see one dime of that money back, and the organization will continue to think of the next way to squeeze a dollar out them for, at best, a mediocre product.  And DC will just keep showing up.  Maybe the Nationals should triple their ticket prices and sell them exclusively on the secondary market-demand might go up.  Hopefully a team that is performing, like the Caps, will engender this kind of blind loyalty when they fall on bad times and under perform.  There is a lot mediocrity in DC sports, but the ‘Skins seem to be the only ones going out of their way to treat their fans like garbage.

Daily DC Item: Hole In Plane Causes Flight Makes Emergency Landing, Passengers Recieves Free Pizza


Courtesy WBOY

Here’s an interesting story for your morning: it appears that a Southwest flight heading to Baltimore from Nashville had to make an emergency landing in Charleston, WV after it lost pressure due to a hole in the plane. All 126 passengers and 5 crew landed safely after a football sized hole was discovered, causing the plane to lose pressure and deploy oxygen masks in the cabin. According to the Washington Post article, “witnesses described the hole that apparently led to the depressurization as about the size of a football and located on the side of the airplane, near the top.”

The Boeing 737-300 is being inspected, as well as all other 737-300s in the Southwest fleet. The passengers were so glad to make it down safely that they hugged the pilot.

Upon hearing this story I had to make the following wisecrack to my friend Maxie (who lives in West Virginia):

Patrick: What’s worse: a hole in your airplane or having to land in West Virginia?
Maxie: hahahaha shut up

Eventually another airplane was dispatched to send the passengers to their final destination, and while they waited at least they got some pizza. According to the CNN report, “airport spokesman Brian Belcher said a local pizzeria provided food for the passengers as they waited.”
I suppose I could put up with a hole on my plane if I got some Pizza out of the deal.

Daily DC Item: Chris Cooley Burns A Cow

Chris Cooley Burns A CowMy first blog post here at Metblogs was on Chris Cooley embarassing himself on his blog.

Recently he hasn’t posted a lot of stuff that really caught my attention, to the point I was about to remove his RSS feed from my Google Reader.

But then this came along.

“We were cruising around on our new land in Wyoming the other day and we found an old dead cow. So we decided that we would get rid of it by setting it on fire. Needless to say, it was a success.”

That’s all I really gotta say. A cow fire?

I’m not an agricultural type so I’ll let you guys comment on if the act is ok or not, everybody else is already writing about it. Apparently it’s actually not that cruel of an act, the cow was already dead and it stops the spread of disease by burning it before it decomposes. That’s probably why they burned Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi.

If the photos aren’t enough, Chris says he hopes to get a video up soon.

I wonder if Comcast will sponsor that video.


Dear Washington DC Area Baseball Spectators,

This might be the "kid needs to potty" exception to the rule, but I doubt it.

This might be the "kid needs to potty" exception to the rule, but I doubt it.


As you may know, record crowds are coming into Nationals Park this week for the slaughters games against the Baahhhhston Red Sox.  Don’t believe me?  Look here:


Not just Sold Out-but SUPER Sold Out...I guess?

(Now if someone can tell me how we’ve sold out games before but this is the largest attendance at the park, I’d appreciate it.)

With that many people at a baseball game you have to expect that there is going to be some bustle at places like the Metro and the beer lines.  Add to that the fact that both Nationals fans and (good amount of) Red Sox fans are new to baseball (ahem… Bandwagon?) it’s understandable that some of the finer rules of baseball etiquette go right out the window.  So allow me to help out by giving you one of the most basic rules you can learn-

you need to sit your a#$@ in your seat when people are playing.

Take a look at this picture:


I paid to see a game-not your Jersey...

Do you have ANY idea what is going on?  The Pitcher is clearly ready to throw the ball-but what is the batter doing?  If the pitcher had started his wind up just a second earlier than this-you’d be missing the swing at the plate.  I know to a lot of you it feels like “nothing ever happens” in baseball.  That it moves slow and you just spend most of your time talking and eating and drinking-and that’s fine.  But seriously-there’s a F$#&#ng game going on and while you are:

1.) Standing in the aisle looking for where your seat is

2.) Standing up to take an above your head picture of you and your bff for facebook

3.) Standing up to take the beer order of everyone in front of you

4.) Standing up to do Christ knows what

and while you are doing that I can’t see what the hell is going on.  My friends and I?  We come to watch a game as well as socialize and if every 2 batters I have to say “KEEP IT MOVING” or “I CAN”T SEE!”  it ruins my time (and the other people too).

It just baffles me because it isn’t as if people are getting up during the “boring” at bats, but on several 3-2 and 3-1 counts with a few outs and runners on last night (during at 4-3 game…well, until the 8th inning) THAT is when some folks decided they needed to get peanuts…PEANUTS!

Again-not not totally your fault.   The ushers at Nationals Park barely know what they are doing either.  They should be treating this like the Caps or Wizards game where they hold traffic during the action, but they don’t.

So by now you probably think I’m some sort of seating fascist or something.  That my best case scenario would be to have you sit 20 minutes before the first inning and not get up until the game was over-and that’s only partially true.  There are valid reasons for getting up during an at bat, and more to the point there are simply better times to get up.

1.) An emergency-about to hurl?  Your kid gonna wet his pants like right now.  Or something actually serious-go ahead and Keep your head down if you can, but feel free to get up.

2.) Rally!– Anytime after the seventh inning stretch in a close ball game (or if you’re the home team and you’re behind) you can stand and cheer for the team team in an at bat.  This is acceptable because, rather than being completely ignorant of the game, you are simply more engaged than other fans.  Plus-you’re likely standing before the at bat takes place-so there is full warning that you plan on watching the game from your feet.  People behind you are just going to have to stand.  (Note-this works for particularly big at bats earlier in the game as well).

3.) Between Batters/Half innings/Switching Pitchers: The preferred time for all people to get up/get back to their seats.  After the batter has struck out/hit safely and they are switching batters/teams in the field-there is a natural break in the game.  Now is the time to get up and do your thing.  If you realize during Adam Dunn’s 2-1 count that you’d like a Bud-just wait a second.

Same if your friend “txtd u to come dwn 2 sect 212 b/c ther r 3 seats!”- Head down between the first and second out, and then get in your seats after the inning is over.

4.) Standing Room Options- Can’t remember all of this or can’t be bothered to care?  Then by all means park yourself at the scoreboard bar/Red Loft/along the railing behind the seats and stand and move around to your heart’s content.  No sitting/standing/view obstruction rules apply in the wild west of the concourse area.

Or if you’re really rich or you business is there just to impress some clients, you’re probably in the box anyway-where nobody really knows anything about baseball or cares.  You could probably do cartwheels right against the window in there and no one would notice because nobody ever looks out them (until someone who is half paying attention mentions casually this might be an important part of the game).

Hopefully that helps a bit and it didn’t come off to harsh.  Any problems with my rules, other exceptions or other pet peeves regarding fan etiquette at a ball park feel free to leave in the comments.

Redskins: "The Cooley Zone." Seriously. Don’t Giggle.

Chris Cooley continues to try and out-“WTF!??!” every other sports personality in Washington D.C.  No simple task when your competition includes Agent Zero and Clinton “Southeast Jerome” Portis among others.  His latest effort is a shining example of a great step forward with the release of his new reality (nice of him to visit) show “The Cooley Zone.” 

Yep.  He’s named it “The Cooley Zone” which I’m sure beat out “The Chris Cooley Project”, “Chris Cooley: Uncensored”, “Cooley-Time” and “Meet the Cooleys” as titles for what proves to be the new best DC based reality Internet show ever. 

And Patrick was looking forward to the Blonde Mafia thing!  This here will be the gold!  Doubt me?   Fast Forward to the 45 second mark and listen to Chris (I think) explain why he thinks he’s so popular:

“I think sometimes its cuz I’m the only white dude that touches the football and that’s what you’re given to look up to, so…It’s this face.” 

Wow.  Now if that sort of vain and otherwise uncomfortable statement doesn’t make you cringe with “oooh that guy is full of himself” keep watching.  The bling shots of cars, the house (casually mentioning the square footage) or showing off the “man room” full of pictures of his wife should convince you that he is a providing and devoted husband.  Or that he needs to keep reminding Tanner every time he comes over the house just who is the better brother. 

The crowning moment for me, however, is right at the beginning of the clip.  Watch it again, or flip over to “Kissing Suzy Kolber” for a second-they got a freeze frame of the not so innocuous picture above the mantle piece.  What is that you ask?  Yup, Chris “I feel like I’m a normal, completely average dude” (2:40) Cooley and his wife have an artistic-style picture of them having sex (or faking sex-whatever).  

Right there.  Just hanging there in the living room-like all us regular dudes do.  In fact, I can’t wait to get married and have my parents over.  Just to show them.  And Grandma.  They’ve been worried saying “you’re 31, when are you going to get married, have sex, take a picture and put it over the fireplace?”  Thankfully, I have Chris Cooley to show me the way.

I’m sure Dallas, Philly and  New York will pay particular attention to the 3:46 mark-as now they know to focus on the left knee next time he’s playing-or just leave a hose running on the ground for a few days creating a waterhole to tackle him.  “F##k you, waterhole” indeed!

Daily DC Item: Home-made Sex Toy Fail

"aafad 154/365 sexed-up" courtesy of Flickr user lamont_cranston

"aafad 154/365 sexed-up" courtesy of Flickr user lamont_cranston

Looks like somebody may have been watching Burn Before Reading too many times.  I read over at WRC-TV’s website about a southern Maryland couple who were experimenting with a home-made sex toy. According to TheBayNet, the couple were using a sex toy that was mounted to a sabre saw, and gosh darn it the saw cut through the toy while in use.

When I read that part of the story I was immediately grossed out. The woman was airlifted to a PG county hospital and is recovering, albeit probably embarrassed and unwilling to try anything in bed again.

This is definitely one of those, “what were you thinking moments?” I imagine this the work of a young redneck couple (I mean it is southern Maryland) thinking it would be a good idea to save some money in the recession by making your own sex toys. Even as a guy I wouldn’t want a saw in any form anywhere near my sex parts.
In a Daily Item update, remember that guy who punched The Crime Dog in the face? Well he was finally fired for his actions. Now you know that crime against mascots don’t pay. I’m looking at you Thomas Jefferson– you gotta play fair when racing Teddy, or at least learn gansta celebratory moves like Abe.

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