Archive for the ‘Redskins’ Category

Redskins: "The Cooley Zone." Seriously. Don’t Giggle.

Chris Cooley continues to try and out-“WTF!??!” every other sports personality in Washington D.C.  No simple task when your competition includes Agent Zero and Clinton “Southeast Jerome” Portis among others.  His latest effort is a shining example of a great step forward with the release of his new reality (nice of him to visit) show “The Cooley Zone.” 

Yep.  He’s named it “The Cooley Zone” which I’m sure beat out “The Chris Cooley Project”, “Chris Cooley: Uncensored”, “Cooley-Time” and “Meet the Cooleys” as titles for what proves to be the new best DC based reality Internet show ever. 

And Patrick was looking forward to the Blonde Mafia thing!  This here will be the gold!  Doubt me?   Fast Forward to the 45 second mark and listen to Chris (I think) explain why he thinks he’s so popular:

“I think sometimes its cuz I’m the only white dude that touches the football and that’s what you’re given to look up to, so…It’s this face.” 

Wow.  Now if that sort of vain and otherwise uncomfortable statement doesn’t make you cringe with “oooh that guy is full of himself” keep watching.  The bling shots of cars, the house (casually mentioning the square footage) or showing off the “man room” full of pictures of his wife should convince you that he is a providing and devoted husband.  Or that he needs to keep reminding Tanner every time he comes over the house just who is the better brother. 

The crowning moment for me, however, is right at the beginning of the clip.  Watch it again, or flip over to “Kissing Suzy Kolber” for a second-they got a freeze frame of the not so innocuous picture above the mantle piece.  What is that you ask?  Yup, Chris “I feel like I’m a normal, completely average dude” (2:40) Cooley and his wife have an artistic-style picture of them having sex (or faking sex-whatever).  

Right there.  Just hanging there in the living room-like all us regular dudes do.  In fact, I can’t wait to get married and have my parents over.  Just to show them.  And Grandma.  They’ve been worried saying “you’re 31, when are you going to get married, have sex, take a picture and put it over the fireplace?”  Thankfully, I have Chris Cooley to show me the way.

I’m sure Dallas, Philly and  New York will pay particular attention to the 3:46 mark-as now they know to focus on the left knee next time he’s playing-or just leave a hose running on the ground for a few days creating a waterhole to tackle him.  “F##k you, waterhole” indeed!

Redskins: Unhappy Campbell?


So what’s the best metaphor for how Jason Campbell must be feeling right now?

Is he a guy who got fired only to have the company call him back and say whoops-we wanted to fire you, but we can’t?

Is he the guy who’s girlfriend tried to date a better guy only to come back and say “actually, you’re as good as I can do.”  ?

How does it feel to know that your team pursued a trade with a team for a different Quarterback, didn’t get him and then said “uh…sorry.”

After both failing to get Jay Cutler and letting the whole world know they wanted Jay Cutler, the Redskins have been caught with their pants down in front of their young, developing Quarterback.  The brass might have met with Campbell to “mend the fences” but that still can’t sit well with the player.  The Redskins have time and time again chased the prettiest free agents on the market and in this case let the entire team know-anyone can be traded.  Sure that might be motivating, but how much can you believe it when they say “Jason’s our guy.  We’re happy with Jason.”  Not much, I’m sure.

To Campbell’s credit he isn’t pulling a Cutler-he’s “motivated” and “ready to play”-but let’s be serious here.  He’s got a lot of upside, but no actual resume to speak of.  Quite frankly, he isn’t Cutler-not at all.  I think it’s doubtful that anyone would take him-He’s not proven to be “that much better” than any other decent quarterbacks-so why take the risk?  Any teams with bad Quarterbacks at this point would likely rather just draft their own than take a chance on a guy who hasn’t panned out (so far).

Which isn’t to say he’s a bad quarterback, or has no upside-he just hasn’t proven anything yet.

Of course-he’s got plenty of opportunity to prove it now.

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