Two things disappointed me about the Redskins loss this past Monday:

1. Chris Cooley dyed his hair an extreme shade of blond, perhaps paying homage to Ochocinco.
2. He broken his ankle early in the game and was feared to be out the rest of the season.

Despite the fact Cooley is one of the only bright spots on the disaster that is the Redskins, he’s my fantasy tight end on two of my five fantasy football teams. Good thing that the injury isn’t as bad as it seems, Chris’ brother Tanner reported on The Cooley Zone that Chris will need a few pins but could make, “a speedy recovery.” The post would of been news if Cooley wasn’t scooped by ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter who tweeted that Cooley could be back in 4 weeks.

Tanner tweeted a few hours ago that Chris has completed the operation and is all right (and was kind enough to post a photo)- but it doesn’t answer the question Tanner originally asked, “How do you get scooped on your own injury report?”

I am now convinced that Adam Schefter is just that good.

The District unveils its new "Wrong Way" sign....

I kept thinking to myself “I really have to lay of the ‘Skins.  Everything you write about them is just terrible.  I’ll wait until they do something right before I post about them again.”

Well after the Warriors of Washington lost the battle of Little FedEx Horn, I’m not sure that day is going to come. Zorn has been relieved of his calling the play duties, Campbell benched-these things are as close to  “positives” as Washington will see for a while.

At this point, I think this youtube video is about as close as I can get to something to be positive about.  Lionel Richie in the background is very relaxing to be honest.  I grieve for you Washington-I suggest you start getting interested in hockey real quick.

I was wondering when it would go live, but Fire Jim Zorn (at blogspot) went live today.

Redskins faithful, your favorite team lost to the Detroit Lions.

I’m sorry-maybe you didn’t hear me.  The DEEEEE.  TRRRROOIT.  LIIIOONNSSSSSS…..

While I do think that Jim Zorn isn’t helping the situation, and any responsible organization would fire him from being head coach tomorrow-let’s keep in mind that this is not a responsible organization.  I think we all know who is to blame for this “bottom of a public toilet” they call a football team here in DC-but since you can’t fire him…well…Zorn is going to go.  The question is just…when.

It’s kind of like throwing out your coffee mug because the coffee tastes bad when your $4.5 million coffee pot is broken-it doesn’t really make sense, but its all you can do.

In any event-Redskins fans, prepare for endless, endless talk about what is wrong with the Redskins from now until they beat an NFC East team via all forms of local media.  My deepest condolences.

Tracking the Media Meltdown

(Note: At 8:31p I don’t see an official story on the WaPo covering the game in my RSS feed.  Sad.)

Sports Bog: Someone’s got to go.

Sports Bog: Worst loss by a DC Sports team in 2009

(At least Remy kind find a funny side of the ‘Skins.  If you can’t see the video, I got it via the Sports Bog.)

So the Redskins managed to win a game yesterday, a boring 9-7 affair that was supposed to be a confidence building blow out.  I even started Clinton “Fantasy Killer” Portis in my league this year (over Fred Jackson, btw) because the consensus was “the Skins were going to bounce back hard.” (Note:  I will never ever start Clinton Portis in a fantasy league again.)

Well a 2 point win with no TDs against what is clearly one of the worst teams in the league during your home opener isn’t going to build a lot of confidence in your football program.  Which may be why some fans were booing the Skins yesterday at FedEx field-to which I say good, they deserved it.

Yes, despite the effort by the NFL and its franchises to engender a truly familial feeling between its team and its fans, the brotherly love has been seeping out slowly and surely since Dan Snyder took over the team.  Sunday some paying fans decided to express their feelings about that, and I applaud them for doing so.   Not only has this team underperformed on the field, but there has been well documented mistreatment of the fan base off the field as well.  Any fan, or non-fan really, has the right to voice their displeasure in any way they see fit (See: First Amendment).

Skins fans have seen this dance before, and they’ve been watching it for years now.  Close wins in games that should be blow outs, barely losing games they have no business in all to either not make the playoffs or make the playoffs and then do nothing.  Skins fans know that a team that cannot get into the end-zone against the Rams at home, could very well lose to Detroit on the road.  They weren’t booing a victory, but that they’ve been duped into watching a rerun.  Again.

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It’s an amazing testament to the NFL’s drawing power that a team like the Redskins still have the following they do.  Since 1997, the ‘Skins have posted just three winning seasons, signed ineffective, aging former superstars to contracts for ungodly amounts of money, sued fans, tried to stop you from walking to the stadium, or at least made you pay for parking even if you didn’t drive, and have supported the nuttiness that is Daniel F. Snyder.

None of which has dissuaded the Redskins faithful.  It is still one of the most profitable sports franchises in the world, potentially racist logo and all, despite the many missteps of the past twelve years. Still they show up, not just paying the overly expensive face value for a ticket, but often paying 2-3 times that through the “secondary” market.  “Oh well” you’re thinking, “If this is what the market demands…”

But maybe it doesn’t.

Unfortunately, it looks like the ticket sales for the ‘Skins aren’t all they are cracked up to be-and it probably cost you a lot of extra dough to boot.  The Post reported today that the people in the Redskins ticket sales office sold lots and lots of tickets to brokers (which, as Deadspin points out, is a fancy way to say “scalper”) directly.  You know, rather than to fans who wanted to go to the game.

So guess what-if you bought a ticket from Stub Hub, or (like I did) Ebay and you paid more than face value for those tickets last year, there is a chance you got hosed.  Not just by the scalper, but by the Redskins as well.  Honestly, of all the anti-consumer, disloyal, unfriendly and just bad things you can do-this takes the cake.  In most states there are laws that prevent the sale of tickets directly to brokers to protect consumers from being over charged for the value of the ticket.  Creating a scarcity of tickets by not making them available directly to fans is abhorrent, and I’m kind of glad I’m not already a fan-because this wold be something that might put me over the edge.  The idea that I could have maybe bought my tickets for a fair price but couldn’t because the team I spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars a year on was complicit in this act?  Unconscionable!

The official story is that this was the act of rogue employees who have been “dealt with” (whatever the heck that means!) and that Snyder was shocked and outraged-but I remain skeptical.  Especially since the one broker who spoke with the post said he was offered the lower seats only if he bought more expensive ones as well.  It seems very possible that this was just an easier way to sell tickets, and create a demand around a franchise that, frankly, hasn’t been good for a long time.

Between the ‘Skins’ excuse that it was actually only a small portion of the actual tickets sold, and the “Broker’s” opinion that without him it would be really hard to get tickets I am about to lose the coffee I had for lunch.  This isn’t a case of someone buying a bunch of tickets to lift a TV ban so that folks can see the game-this is a case of the company you support actively ripping you off.

And it won’t matter.  Fans won’t see one dime of that money back, and the organization will continue to think of the next way to squeeze a dollar out them for, at best, a mediocre product.  And DC will just keep showing up.  Maybe the Nationals should triple their ticket prices and sell them exclusively on the secondary market-demand might go up.  Hopefully a team that is performing, like the Caps, will engender this kind of blind loyalty when they fall on bad times and under perform.  There is a lot mediocrity in DC sports, but the ‘Skins seem to be the only ones going out of their way to treat their fans like garbage.

Now that Redskins training camp is well underway it was only a matter of time before Chris and Tanner at The Cooley Zone started having some fun. Apparently Tanner (Chris’ brother) decided to steal Redskin’s quarterback Jason Campbell’s helmet and practice jersey. Where it was then secretly paraded about the field while Tanner decides if he should sell it to the fans.

Let’s say Jason wasn’t happy, however oblivious to whom the culprit is, taking out his frustrations on an unnamed rookie.

My first blog post here at Metblogs was on Chris Cooley embarassing himself on his blog.

Recently he hasn’t posted a lot of stuff that really caught my attention, to the point I was about to remove his RSS feed from my Google Reader.

But then this came along.

“We were cruising around on our new land in Wyoming the other day and we found an old dead cow. So we decided that we would get rid of it by setting it on fire. Needless to say, it was a success.”

That’s all I really gotta say. A cow fire?

I’m not an agricultural type so I’ll let you guys comment on if the act is ok or not, everybody else is already writing about it. Apparently it’s actually not that cruel of an act, the cow was already dead and it stops the spread of disease by burning it before it decomposes. That’s probably why they burned Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi.

If the photos aren’t enough, Chris says he hopes to get a video up soon.

I wonder if Comcast will sponsor that video.

Last week I posted on my facebook page “Could DC be the worst Sports town in the Country?” and I don’t think was out of line to ask that question.  (Seattle was the only other obvious contender-with a terrible baseball team, no hockey, an awful football team and having just lost their basketball team).

But April showers bring the buds of May-and all the bad news of the past month seems to be shaping up nicely for DC Sports fans-Need proof?  Read on:

The Wizards had just finished a dismal 19-63 season-by far the worst team in the East (only the Kings in the West did worse).  No playoffs for the first time in years.  The $100+ million dollar man, Gilbert Arenas, played in a total of  2 games for 31.5 minutes (At over $14 mil for the year, that’s $7 mil a game, or $465,189 per minute).

And now: “Flip” Saunders heads the team-and he has a pedigree of at least getting out of the first round of the playoffs.   Gilbert Arenas looked, well, not awful in his two games and at least seems to be running around-presumably he will be better for next year.  All that losing seems to have paid off too, with the Wizards having the second most chances of getting the top pick in the draft-and can only finish as low as 5th.  In a class heavy on PGs and low on big guys-picking high is more important than ever this year.  

Skins, Nats and Caps after the jump. (more…)

Chris Cooley continues to try and out-”WTF!??!” every other sports personality in Washington D.C.  No simple task when your competition includes Agent Zero and Clinton “Southeast Jerome” Portis among others.  His latest effort is a shining example of a great step forward with the release of his new reality (nice of him to visit) show “The Cooley Zone.” 

Yep.  He’s named it “The Cooley Zone” which I’m sure beat out “The Chris Cooley Project”, “Chris Cooley: Uncensored”, “Cooley-Time” and “Meet the Cooleys” as titles for what proves to be the new best DC based reality Internet show ever. 

And Patrick was looking forward to the Blonde Mafia thing!  This here will be the gold!  Doubt me?   Fast Forward to the 45 second mark and listen to Chris (I think) explain why he thinks he’s so popular:

“I think sometimes its cuz I’m the only white dude that touches the football and that’s what you’re given to look up to, so…It’s this face.” 

Wow.  Now if that sort of vain and otherwise uncomfortable statement doesn’t make you cringe with “oooh that guy is full of himself” keep watching.  The bling shots of cars, the house (casually mentioning the square footage) or showing off the “man room” full of pictures of his wife should convince you that he is a providing and devoted husband.  Or that he needs to keep reminding Tanner every time he comes over the house just who is the better brother. 

The crowning moment for me, however, is right at the beginning of the clip.  Watch it again, or flip over to “Kissing Suzy Kolber“ for a second-they got a freeze frame of the not so innocuous picture above the mantle piece.  What is that you ask?  Yup, Chris “I feel like I’m a normal, completely average dude” (2:40) Cooley and his wife have an artistic-style picture of them having sex (or faking sex-whatever).  

Right there.  Just hanging there in the living room-like all us regular dudes do.  In fact, I can’t wait to get married and have my parents over.  Just to show them.  And Grandma.  They’ve been worried saying “you’re 31, when are you going to get married, have sex, take a picture and put it over the fireplace?”  Thankfully, I have Chris Cooley to show me the way.

I’m sure Dallas, Philly and  New York will pay particular attention to the 3:46 mark-as now they know to focus on the left knee next time he’s playing-or just leave a hose running on the ground for a few days creating a waterhole to tackle him.  “F##k you, waterhole” indeed!

So what’s the best metaphor for how Jason Campbell must be feeling right now?

Is he a guy who got fired only to have the company call him back and say whoops-we wanted to fire you, but we can’t?

Is he the guy who’s girlfriend tried to date a better guy only to come back and say “actually, you’re as good as I can do.”  ?

How does it feel to know that your team pursued a trade with a team for a different Quarterback, didn’t get him and then said “uh…sorry.”

After both failing to get Jay Cutler and letting the whole world know they wanted Jay Cutler, the Redskins have been caught with their pants down in front of their young, developing Quarterback.  The brass might have met with Campbell to “mend the fences” but that still can’t sit well with the player.  The Redskins have time and time again chased the prettiest free agents on the market and in this case let the entire team know-anyone can be traded.  Sure that might be motivating, but how much can you believe it when they say “Jason’s our guy.  We’re happy with Jason.”  Not much, I’m sure.

To Campbell’s credit he isn’t pulling a Cutler-he’s “motivated” and “ready to play”-but let’s be serious here.  He’s got a lot of upside, but no actual resume to speak of.  Quite frankly, he isn’t Cutler-not at all.  I think it’s doubtful that anyone would take him-He’s not proven to be “that much better” than any other decent quarterbacks-so why take the risk?  Any teams with bad Quarterbacks at this point would likely rather just draft their own than take a chance on a guy who hasn’t panned out (so far).

Which isn’t to say he’s a bad quarterback, or has no upside-he just hasn’t proven anything yet.

Of course-he’s got plenty of opportunity to prove it now.