I never really paid attention to the writing on this sign before, located on St. Elmo Street in Bethesda. I imagine it’s in front of a hair designer, but I didn’t see one, not that I was looking. Mostly what I noticed, other than the drawing of a woman about to get naked, was that she encourages us to examine what is behind her.

What’s behind her? Surprise! More sidewalk and, as you can see, a car partly blocking the sidewalk. I wonder if this sign really does anything to promote Valentino’s or if people just assume it’s an ad for a strip club, as I did for about a year before stopping to read it.

Photo: Do they sell boobs? Originally uploaded by carlweaver

The City Paper is reporting that:

According to a press release received by City Desk this morning, the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. is now open. About goddamn time!

And we here at Metroblogging DC could not agree more. Right up there with cosmetic surgery and fake boobs, DC needs more women thinking that the surgeon’s knife is the key to happiness. Don’t believe me? Just read the press release:

For many women, the search for a better sexual experience has been a life-long quest. Magic pills, creams and various physical exercises have long touted their sexual enhancement claims to no avail.

“As a woman’s body experiences child birth and the natural aging process, the muscles and ligaments surrounding the vagina can become weakened or relaxed causing decreased sexual gratification,” says Christopher Warner, M.D, FACOG, Founder of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C, ,

“Because sexual gratification for the woman is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated during intercourse. The LVR procedure restores strength to the vaginal canal that results in more friction and a better sexual experience.”

Yep, that’s right, its all about vaginal friction. No need for romance, foreplay, clitoral stimulation or even an attentive sexual partner - just an Energizer Rabbit pounding away and women of DC can re-achieve the joy of yesteryear.

And to go along with this new unachievable and dubious metric of feminine beauty and sexuality; diet pills, weight loss fads, and anorexia are for sale on insecurity aisle three.

photo courtesy of J Dell Designs

My darling girlfriend and I have known Jennifer Eubank for a bit over a year now. She’s one of the dozens of friendly and helpful vendors we’ve met by exhibiting at Eastern Market. She’s also one of the half-dozen or so who have helped to make our efforts less profitable by making stuff so great we buy their things rather than taking our hard-earned dough home with us. Ah well. I like to call DG’s ring from jdell designs “the boobs ring,” which is worth it just for the chuckle.

This coming weekend Jennifer will be doing the Avon walk to help raise money for breast cancer issues. Precise details about how the money is spent can be found at the Avon Foundation’s website as well as in the GuideStar data on the charity.

You can support Jennifer’s walk by going here and making a donation. She’s got a personal motivation to be in the walk.

I am doing this in honor of my sister, Gail, who has been battling breast cancer for more than 5 years now. I am completely committed to walking the full 39-mile walk May 5 & 6 in Washington, DC. My sister Beverly is joining me for what will most likely be the most important thing we have done in many years.

She’s already hit her fundraising goal but more is always better. She’s going above and beyond to increase her funds intake, too. Aside from offering to give a free pair of earrings from her stock to anyone who pledges over $150, she’s added a line of pink jewelry that she’ll be selling from this point forward. She’ll be contributing the profits from the sales of them to the Avon foundation so she can keep the giving going past the day of the walk.

You have to support that kind of dedication.

Of course, we - and by we I mean Wayan - noticed some of the funky things people do to raise money for charity long before now. Namely Trisha’s Babes for Boobs, which Wayan and I attended last April. Hell, Wayan even participated, being auctioned off for $140. Poor girl probably had no idea that the real cost behind taking Wayan out is the bar bill, not the initial acquisition.

Where the Post trailed in participation they made up for in detail, however, and their article talks about several entertaining local activities that people have put on to make a buck for a good cause. I love the idea of the Sweet ‘Stache competition and I suspect that as I read this article and thought “Damn! If I’d known I’da participated!” my darling girlfriend, halfway across the city at the time, issued a sigh of relief without even knowing why.

Babes for boobs stories in order: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six.

When it comes to haircuts, most guys have only a few options. For some, its the hair salon ala supercuts, hair cuttery, bubbles, etc.. For me it’s the Ballston Barbershop - and honestly it’s been barbershops pretty much my entire life.

Photo Credit: By Jahi Chikwendiu
The Washington Post Photo

For Mike Blot and Rudy Lilly, though, these options were not enough. They dreamed of a place where men could get haircut, manicure, pedicure, body wax - without the discomfort that comes with places that are too feminine and don’t allow men to be… well men. A place with "a relaxing beach atmosphere with sports on big-screen tv’s, irresistible music, and female stylists who just happen to be as attractive as they are talented."

And so they founded Paradise Cuts and made the employee uniform - bikini’s and sarongs. You may have heard their commercials on the radio about how bikini’s make everything better.

How big a deal is this? Big enough for the Washington Post to cover the opening day. The article quotes Stylist Sheryl Cubbage, 36, who also plays guitar in a local rock band,
on the
appeal of Paradise Cuts:

"Men like visuals, so why not have a good haircut and a . . . good conversation. It’s about being pampered. Women get it all the time, so why shouldn’t men?"

Today, you can only find this hooters-does-haircuts establishment in Fairfax - but Blot and Lilly currently have plans to expand their network of sexy stylists to Reston/Dulles and Alexandria. Franchise opportunities can’t be too far behind…

No news that the new span of the Woodrow Wilson Bridge is now open, but I was able to drive it for the first time yesterday on my way home from McLean. Sure, I’m not one to believe that a new bridge will be the panacea to our river crossing traffic ills, but I was none the less horrified by the 8 mile backup I experienced as I approached the new bridge from the Virginia side. Sure, it was Friday afternoon but I’d NEVER experienced an 8 mile backup with the old bridge unless there was an accident on the bridge span somewhere. Alleviate congestion my ass! I guess we call this progress….

On the Maryland side, commuters will still use the OLD bridge and get to watch the demolition crews breaking up what used to be the other half of the old bridge… not exactly the most comforting feeling in the world as you sit on a bridge with thousands of other cars, 50 feet above the Potomac as construction crews happily DESTROY the other half of the very bridge you’re driving on.

All in all, a rather unremarkable experience. I didn’t see any walkways on the bridge for pedestrians (it would be a great view, overlooking the Potomac), but it did appear as though the bridge would have a “middle” lane, perhaps an HOV or HOT lane until Metro occupies it? Sitting in an 8 mile back-up also afforded me the opportunity to view many interesting bumper stickers and such, the top one being a bumper sticker on some woman’s Scion that read “I Heart My Big Fake Boobs”… never got a chance to pull up along side to substantiate, though. Such is life.. stuck in traffic.

So there is a woman seeking donations for a boob job on DC Craigslist. While Wonkette got all excited, I say she’s out of luck.

First, it’s not original or even all that engaging. Michele of giveboobs.com did it the best and most famously way back in 2002 and now there is a whole Google Directory of websites for it.

All brains - no boobs

Then, according to Wired, copy cats aren’t doing so well in following in her footsteps. Seems we’re bucks for boobs out. Oh, that is unless you count Babes for Boobs. That’s still going strong - $4,680 last month and way more than the 2005 Babes for Boobs sale.

Last but not least, with deep insights like this:

I hope to one day soon be a leading broadcast journalist, but feel that my small chest is holding me back.

or

I know this surgery will increase my chances three-fold on top of my education, experience and talent.

I think she might need more than a C-cup upgrade to beat out Christiane Amanpour.

And you would take??

Only in DC would we be this nerdy, only here would we be so competitive, only here would I be debating with my friends which we should do tonight - DC Bee or Wonderland Trivia Fight - based not on the booze or babes, but which would be more brainiac.

As even a cursory review of my writing shows, DC Bee ain’t for me. I be a Wonderland Monday Night Trivia Fight diehard. I know the middle name of Mayor for Life, Marrion S. Barry, Jr. but just in this post alone I’ve called in spellcheck six times.

And you - would you focus on the harsh, constrictive, and rule-bound arrangements of letters, or the free flow, broad based, inclusive world of fun-loving trivia?

Wednesday night, after drinking myself silly till late trying to assuage my wounded only $140! Babes for Boobs ego, I took an Arlington cab home and watched the meter in amazement. A 20 minute journey, what Google Maps tells me was around 6 miles, came out to $11. The next morning, stumbling through a hang-over to work, my morning taxi was $9.90 for a 2 mile commute.

Tell me, does that compute?

Not the drinking part, but the amazing 3x more expensive per mile drive in a DC Taxi with the new taxi fares. And yet when I talked with the taxi driver, all he could do was say, in a mindless repetition, gas prices, gas prices, gas prices.

Well gas prices my ass - even at $3 a gallon. If DC cabs weren’t $6.50 to go three blocks, or if you get out on the wrong side of the street $8.80 because you crossed an imaginary, arbitrary, and ill-defined line, we would take more of them, more often. I wouldn’t walk the extra two blocks to save $2, and I could take one across town with confidence instead of confusion.

When I tried to explain the difference between 10 rides at $8.80 and 20 at $5, again all the taxi driver could do was mumble about gas prices. Like he wasn’t wasting half his tank just circling around looking for a fare anyway, getting closer to a psycho taxi driver breakdown.

Please, now that we’re about to be Smoke Free DC, can we be Taxi Meter DC too?

Hotties, all & sold for good

Now what a fun night! Hooting and hollering for your friends, raising your hand to bid even, it was a good time had by all.

Or almost all. My friend, who I promised would be outbid, wound up throwing down the winning $140 for me. The curt reply as she paid and picked up the Improv tickets: “You better be nice to me or I’m taking my boyfriend instead”