Lost in The Pizza Triangle

Just Give Me a Pizza

I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust pizza. You know, the one that packs as much cheese as possible into every crevice of the pizza pie? Wait – are there crevices on a pizza? That’s a little disgusting. Anyway, about once a year I find myself in the mood for some of this cheesy goodness and immediately reach for the phone to have one delivered pronto. My annual craving reared its greasy little head last week so I set off on what I thought would be an easy mission: find my local Pizza Hut.

That sounds easy enough, right? Just go to their store locator page, type in my zip code, and boom – Bob’s your uncle. I was given three stores to choose from so I called the one at 13th & U since it seemed to be the closest to me.

“Hello, thank you for calling Pizza Hut. Can I get your order?”

“Yeah, I’d like a pepperoni stuffed crust pizza please.”

“What’s your address?”

“Yada yada yada…”

“Please hold.” I then proceeded to hold for about five minutes. “Um, we don’t deliver to that address. You need to call the one on M street.”

“Oooooook. I’ll do that. Thank you.”


I took the (not so) nice woman’s advice and called the M street Pizza Hut, only to be told that they would not deliver to my address, and that I should call the location at 13th & U. Apparently neither of these stores wanted my business, or maybe they secretly hate making stuffed crust pizzas? Maybe it requires extra effort on their part? Maybe they didn’t have the vast amount of cheese on hand that is required to make one of these pies?

“Look, I already called that location and they told me to call you.”

“Sorry, you’re not in our delivery area.”


My only hope for clogging my arteries with pounds and pounds of cheese rested on the last location on Columbia Road. I explained to them that I was being given the run around by the other stores in the neighborhood and would they pulleeeeeez just deliver me a large pepperoni stuffed crust pizza?! I have the need for cheese! And grease! And pepperoni, all baked into one giant – “Sure, what’s your address?…OK, we’ll be there in about 45 minutes.”

In the end, the pizza gods intervened, and 45 minutes later I was stuffing my face with delicious pizza while my dog looked at me with drool running from her lips. Sorry, no cheese for you!

8 Comments so far

  1. Carl Weaver (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 10:12 am
  2. noah (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 11:05 am

    Wow yeah I had this exact same experience! I live near 18th and Upshur NW, our house is literally 1.1 miles from the store, and they stated with complete incompetence that they could not deliver to my address. Now I argued with two different people including the manager and they simply did not know where I lived, 1.1 miles away. They kept repeating the same line "We do not deliver above military" while I argued that yes my street name starts with a ‘T’ but no it is not part of the Alphabet system and is waaay below Military. My advice, never call pizza hut in Columbia Heights, Mt. Pleasant, Georgia Ave at Upshur and expect people who know anything about the city.

  3. Tiff (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 11:15 am

    It’s not just the human error factor- I once tried to order from Pizza Hut’s website. I could practically see the nearest Pizza Hut from my living room window, and there was another less than a mile away, but their website insisted that there was no Pizza Hut that delivered to my neighborhood.

  4. Joseph J. Finn (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 1:33 pm

    You know what the first problem was? Ordering from Pizza Hut. Doesn’t anyone in DC/Virginia deliver Chicago style?

  5. Max (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 1:49 pm

    Oh come on now, Joseph. Let’s not have this debate. There are so many pizza snobs around here it’s crazy.

    I like Chicago style!

    I like New York style!

    Crispy crust is the best!

    Uh uh, thick crust is!

    Too me, pizza is a bit like sex – it’s pretty hard to screw up.

  6. Supermodel (unregistered) on February 27th, 2008 @ 9:43 pm

    Don’t hate the pizza snob.

    I will admit Pizza Hut grease is inimitable.

  7. Carl Weaver (unregistered) on February 28th, 2008 @ 11:28 am

    I have to agree with Joseph. After being in the land of great pizza for five years (the Worcester-Boston Pizza Corridor), Pizza Hut pales in comparison. It’s not terrible, certainly serviceable, but far from what I would go out of my way for.

    My advice for those who love the Pizza Hut grease: Go walk a mile for the pizza if it’s really that close. Your heart and arteries will thank you later.

  8. Max (unregistered) on February 28th, 2008 @ 11:39 am

    Yeah, but do they serve STUFFED CRUST pizza in Chicago? To my limited, non pizza snob knowledge, Pizza Hut invented this delicious goodness, which is partly what my post is about.

    Let me quote some Seinfeld standup if I may:

    "Do you think that a possible explanation (to why America is fat) could be that we are still trying to find ways to stuff MORE CHEESE into A PIECE OF PIZZA?!!! We’ve hollowed out the crust. We hollowed out the crust about 3 years ago. Now we’re double-layering the foundation. I understand they have a new thing coming out… They will actually bake your head right into the pizza! Pizza Hut. It’s called ‘Hey Pizza-Face’. And you wear the pizza and attempt to eat your way out of it."

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