Ladies, Time to “Tighten Up”!

The City Paper is reporting that:

According to a press release received by City Desk this morning, the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C. is now open. About goddamn time!

And we here at Metroblogging DC could not agree more. Right up there with cosmetic surgery and fake boobs, DC needs more women thinking that the surgeon’s knife is the key to happiness. Don’t believe me? Just read the press release:

Moving Day

For many women, the search for a better sexual experience has been a life-long quest. Magic pills, creams and various physical exercises have long touted their sexual enhancement claims to no avail.

“As a woman’s body experiences child birth and the natural aging process, the muscles and ligaments surrounding the vagina can become weakened or relaxed causing decreased sexual gratification,” says Christopher Warner, M.D, FACOG, Founder of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Washington D.C, ,

“Because sexual gratification for the woman is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated during intercourse. The LVR procedure restores strength to the vaginal canal that results in more friction and a better sexual experience.”

Yep, that’s right, its all about vaginal friction. No need for romance, foreplay, clitoral stimulation or even an attentive sexual partner – just an Energizer Rabbit pounding away and women of DC can re-achieve the joy of yesteryear.

And to go along with this new unachievable and dubious metric of feminine beauty and sexuality; diet pills, weight loss fads, and anorexia are for sale on insecurity aisle three.

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