You Evidently Got the Memo

hummer.jpg

You know the one. The memo that says:


Dear Sir or Madam:

We’re writing you, the happy owner of a gas guzzling, overpriced, road hogging SUV. We hope that you’re truly enjoying your new vehicle and enjoying it to the fullest. By now you’ve gone through 100 tanks of gasoline, costing roughly $6,000, and you’re probably due for a new set of giant, noisy tires to go with that mammoth vehicle of yours. We know we shouldn’t encourage this, but we’re sure you’ve found the hidden benefit of being able to cut people off without worry, as you know they’ll get out of your way. God save them if they don’t. We know, it makes driving down the toll road such a pleasure.

But by all means, we really hope you’ve put that battle ready tank to the test and taken it offroad like it was intended. We didn’t engineer this thing to take your selfish ass from your oversized home to work and back, or to simply go to Tyson’s Corner to buy some new D&G sunglasses. We designed this thing to be able to drive on the moon! So we’re glad to see that you got the memo, and have been thoroughly enjoying your giant hunk of steel. Good on you!

Sincerely,

GM

PS – We see that you’ve also read through the manual on how to park your POS too. Congrats! Take up as many spaces as possible because it’s your God given right. Have you installed a gun rack yet? If not, you should see an accessory catalog in your mailbox shortly.

14 Comments so far

  1. Evil Moo (unregistered) on May 7th, 2007 @ 10:43 pm

    Wow, it’s so refreshing to see the blog rise above its roots as a bilge pump for angst, and become transformed into a miraculous bilge pump for… self-righteous indignation! Seriously, did you guys run out of fires to post about, or what? Is this really what makes DC so special, and dare I say it… interesting?


  2. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on May 7th, 2007 @ 10:46 pm

    Clearly a case for some of these tickets.


  3. Mike (unregistered) on May 7th, 2007 @ 11:59 pm

    I was going to suggest those tickets too!

    I once heard a guy who had spent 6 months in Iraq cramped in a hot Humvee with two other smelly guys wonder what civilians see in a vehicle that isn’t even comfortable by army standards.


  4. Max (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 6:08 am

    Sorry, Mr MOO. I’ll post about Pandas next time. They’re all cute and cuddley!


  5. Ingen Angiven (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 8:41 am

    Pandas!


  6. Tiff (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 12:05 pm

    Don’t forget the Caturday photos, Max. They belong on any blog. ;)


  7. Brian (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 12:28 pm

    I was actually so impressed that someone with this vehicle in the area had actually gone off-road that I completely failed to notice the parking job.


  8. Carl Weaver (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

    Brian has a point. The vehicle owner gets half a point for using the vehicle as it was orginially deisgned to be used. At least it’s not full of kids in soccer shorts.

    But yeah – some SUV people are ignorant assholes. The rest are just ignorant.


  9. Christopher (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 3:22 pm

    “some SUV people are ignorant a**holes. The rest are just ignorant.”

    Perhaps a sign of ignorance is making sweeping judgements about people you don’t know, without understanding the circumstances or their lives, or assuming you know their motives or intent. But, apparently I am just an a**hole or perhaps an ignorant a**hole. What do I know?


  10. Wayan (unregistered) on May 8th, 2007 @ 3:27 pm

    At least its not a sidewalk SUV.


  11. Hy Hy (unregistered) on May 9th, 2007 @ 10:07 am

    I love me some good ol’ SUV WD.


  12. Carl Weaver (unregistered) on May 9th, 2007 @ 11:02 am

    Christopher – just being a smartass, making a joke. My brother drives an SUV too. No, I don’t think you are an asshole.

    Sorry to offend. But for the record, I didn’t imply that all SUV drivers were assholes, just that they were all ignorant. But again – it was part of a bad joke.


  13. Chris L (unregistered) on May 9th, 2007 @ 2:32 pm

    Don’t back down, Carl. SUV drivers ARE ignorant…whether you were joking or not.

    Before driving an SUV, one necessarily has to:

    1. Decide that they don’t give a shit about the environment, and/or decide that they don’t believe the overwhelming evidence of rapid climate change.

    2. Not care that their visibility, driving skill, and reaction time will diminish significantly.

    3. Put “percieved personal safety” higher on their priorities than “actual safety of themselves and others”.

    4. Not mind the crowd taunting them as they try to parallel park their POS in Georgetown. (my girlfriend and I get a lot of milage out of this one…we’ve practically made a sport out of it)

    5. Admit that they have have piss-poor personal finance skills (e.g. 15 miles per gallon x $4.00 per gallon gas = You’re an idiot)

    They’re talking about $6 gas in the next few years so this discussion is sort of a moot point…no one will be buying SUVs once that happens. But in the meantime…its fun to make a mockery out of these poor misguided souls that fell prey to Detriot’s desperate yet successful remarketing of trucks.


  14. Hy Hy (unregistered) on May 9th, 2007 @ 2:58 pm

    My favorite argument: “It’s my God-given American right to spend as much money as I want on gas due my SUV’s crummy fuel efficiency. It’s my money! My country!”



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