I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve. It’s a recipe for disaster if you ask me. The scenario goes something like this: Take countless regular Joes and Janes, folks who ordinarily drink very little or not at all, and feed them beer, shots, cocktails and champagne. The result? Cops are very busy arresting people for DUI, D&D (drunk and disorderly), public intoxication, urination, vomiting…you know, people on their best behavior. Cabbies and limos, not to mention ERs, are also barely able to keep up.

I prefer to stay home, have a nice meal and watch a movie or read a book. The latter is often undesirable as a nice loud movie will drown out the din of drunks shouting on the street, the traffic and car horns, sirens and fireworks, etc. Okay, I sometimes watch the Times Square ball drop on TV.

After the inexperienced inebriants finally pass out I get a good night’s sleep. Rested and clear-headed, it’s time for a hearty breakfast and fine day of college bowl games. For extra special fun, I sometimes go to my favorite sports bar ^[1] to watch them. In between plays, I enjoy people watching (and listening)—bloodshot eyes, Sahara tongues and pounding brains, “Oh god, I should not have had that last Jager bomb!”

I’m not sure about DC, but in many of the cities I’ve lived in cabs and/or mass transit are free on Amateur Night. If you are going out, play it safe and either have a designated driver or leave the car at home. Oh, and Happy New Year to the crew and all our visitors!