I love my neighborhood – which is not a secret in the MBDC world. The other night I was taking a brisk walk behind my neighborhood and pining at all the character-filled homes. All the porch spindles, the different paint colors that people choose, and all the old stone on the outside of the homes. Okay, I’ll admit, it was dusk so YES I peeked inside to see what I could see from the street. So I like to see what color people pain the inside of their homes – oh well.

I had noticed a certain little home on the corner for sale for a little while and assume someone new has moved in because the outside of it looks different than it used to. The woman that lived there before had no landscape and just a totally plain-looking exterior. Fine by me – doesn’t bother me a bit – I just thought the house had a lot more potential.

Enter new owners: New Owners have quite a bit of junk. As in, I-need-to-pile-it-up-outside quit a bit of junk. On the side of the house, on the front porch, on the side porch, under the front porch that is already filled. Now I realize that they may have just moved and are trying to get organized, but this isn’t a bunch of outdoors stuff they are trying to find a home for. I’m talking about file boxes, wrapping paper tubes, grocery bags clearly just filled with crap. Although in principle I’m sort of against homeowners associations, this is the prime example for the benefits of having one – no one would be allowed to keep something like that.

Then came the clincher. Remember how the previous owner hadn’t done any landscaping? Oh, New Owners have, don’t you worry. They’ve made it all pretty and such with… (sit down for this one)… FAKE FLOWERS. Yes, New Owners have PLANTED fake flowers in their two gardens and up the front walk. The strung fake ivy on the posts of the porch and planted these fake flowers all along the street edge as well. Planted. Fake flowers. Yes, the ones you buy at craft stores for grody bathroom wreaths.

I’ve never seen anything like this and wonder if this isn’t one of the more grotesque insights in to the work-so-much-I-can’t-enjoy-the-life-I’ve-purchased DC mentality and lifestyle. Maybe not, but I’ll probably be inquiring if my new neighbors are out and about the next time I’m taking a stroll.