I hope you weren’t planning on going swimming this weekend when you were headed out to Virginia Beach. See, higher than normal bacteria count has closed a few beaches there, and folks are recommended not to go swimming, lest they come down with a nasty, nasty, nasty infection of the lungs, skin, eyes or gastrointestinal tract. Generally, that means don’t go near the goddamn beach

I fully expect an alarmist Fox Local News story on Tuesday at a hospital down at Virginia Beach with a few sick kids because their parents let them swim there anyhow.