Help! My Coffee Shop Has Jumped The Shark!

There I was, sitting in the coffee shop, working on a bunch of spreadsheets, taking in my morning latte. Minding my own business.

Sipping the Joe, and Crunching the numbers.

Soaking up the free wifi. Then they came in. In velour jumpsuits. If it sounds like I am still in shellshock, that’s because I am still in a state of absolute shock. Three of them, average age well above 60. In velour jumpsuits. One purple. One…brown.


Kids, this cannot stand. I need a new coffee shop. Preferably with WiFi and decent coffee. The latter is negotiable. The former is not. Where can I go?

16 Comments so far

  1. Lite (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 11:53 am

    that’s terrible of you to snap their pic.

    what are you, some kind of elitist coffee shop whore?

    get a life, it’s a big world out there, you need to experience more of it.

  2. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 11:56 am

    I’ve been out there, Mr./Ms. Lite. I’ve seen 47 of the 50 States. I’ve seen Australia and Eastern Europe. I’ve seen the British Isles. I’ve been places. I’ve done things. It’s just I don’t like my coffee shop infected with people in hideous velour jumpsuits. Is that too much to ask? I mean really. Velour?

  3. jen m. (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:21 pm

    what coffee shop was it? it sounds like a cool place if it’s laid back enough that those women felt comfortable coming in. i’d rather sit amongst a couple of older folks in velour than fight my way through crowds of holier-than-thou hipsters. people get older, sometimes they let their subscription to Lucky lapse, so what?

    i agree that it was mean to post their picture, even with the faces blurred. we can’t please everyone, but if the dc metblog is going to criticize our neighbors and risk alienating potential readers, i think we should have a more principled reason than we don’t like their fashion sense.

  4. wayan (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:39 pm

    Tom – Velour can be beautiful, just check out the porno blue, but jelaousy, that’s never pretty.

  5. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:42 pm

    Yeah, Wayan, I guess I’ll just never look as good in velour as you do…

  6. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:46 pm

    I just don’t like velour jumpsuits. Seriously, it’s one step up from sweats, albeit a step that is both hideously wrong and a bit distasteful at the same time. It’s a trend that’s got to die, and if that means embarassing a few people, I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel. If you want to write about the benefits of velour jumpsuits in public, I’m six kinds of down with that.

    I blurred their faces, and left the coffeeshop nameless to protect the accused.

  7. sean bonner (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:55 pm

    Much like the Ugg scandal in Los Angeles, velour is really uncalled for and should be heckled, publicly if possible, whenever possible.

    And personally, taking a stand for something has always been more noble than worrying about alienating potential readers, and I challenge anyone to find a more noble cause that banning velour jumpsuits from public view. Except wearing Uggs in the summer in Los Angeles, of course.

  8. Stacey (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 1:01 pm

    Sean, I can’t speak to Uggs in LA, but would your feelings be different if they were in cold-weather climate? i.e. did you see Bridge’s post from CPAC with someone in a suit and Uggs?

    Also, I may not have taken the picture, but only b/c i don’t have the b*lls to. I think it’s funny, and encourage anyone hating my outfit to feel free to mock it. I sort of feel like… I like what I wear, so if others don’t, I don’t really care too much.

  9. jen m. (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 1:23 pm

    (1) if it were about the jumpsuits and the decline of acceptable standards of decorum, you wouldn’t have mentioned their ages. if they had been attractive young women wearing velour jumpsuits, perhaps on their way back from the gym, you wouldn’t have made the comments you did. apart from the fashion question, your comments are ageist, for lack of a better term.

    (2) what’s so wrong with wearing a jumpsuit or other casual, non-fashionable clothes to a coffee shop? it’s not the opera. which leads back to point (1): it’s not about the jumpsuits. it’s about putting down other people just because they don’t conform to your arbitrary standard of how people should look.

    (3) i’m sure a lot of people think your clothes are ugly and unfashionable too, but hopefully most of them have the courtesy not to take your picture, blur out your face, and mock you in public.

  10. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 1:26 pm

    Jen, is this your way of admitting you like your velour jumpsuit? :D

  11. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 1:34 pm

    An attractive young women did just walk in with a sage colored velour jumpsuit. It looked no better on her than it did on the older women. My problem isn’t with age. My problem is with jumpsuits made of velour.

    If someone thinks I am less than fashionable, I would be less than surprised. I claim no fashion label, no status other than Average Guy. My opinion, stronger than perhaps you’d care for it to be, is that velour jumpsuits ought to be banned from polite society, along with t-shirts that reveal the belly of overweight men (something I work hard as an overweight man to avoid where at all possible) and Ugg boots with business suits, even in cold weather climes, Stacey. It’s one thing at the gym, it’s another sitting down for coffee in what is, ostensibly, my workplace.

    That said, if I need public mocking, I need public mocking, and if you’d like, you can get a photo of me at the next happy hour and commence the public mockery. I’ll even let you NOT blur my face. Cool by you?

  12. jen m. (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 2:35 pm

    a finely crafted snark is a thing of beauty, but if you are resorting to picking on a couple of nice old ladies for a laugh, that’s pretty pathetic.

    next post, why don’t you try mocking the lack of artistic talent shown by a toddler in making a macaroni-pasted picture frame for his mommy. stupid toddlers don’t know anything about art.

  13. wayan (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 2:57 pm

    That said, if I need public mocking, I need public mocking, and if you’d like, you can get a photo of me at the next happy hour and commence the public mockery. I’ll even let you NOT blur my face. Cool by you?

    Oh my God! I think i just hurt myself in excitement! This is a challenege I can’t wait to take up, double-fisting cameras and getting my lips ready for a kiss like this.

    Let the glamour shots begin!!

  14. sean bonner (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 3:51 pm

    Stacy- My guff has always been that uggs are made for cold weather and if people in places where temperatures drop below 40 want to wear them who am I to stand in their way, however in mid summer in Los Angeles NO ONE needs to be wearing them, and looks like a complete idiot when they do. If people post photos of them on the internets pointing out how bad they look, well, that’s just a risk they took going out in public wearing furry skiboots in 90 degree weather. She short skirts they are usually parred with do not compensate.

    And as someone who owns an art gallery I can also back up Jen’s claim that stupid toddlers don’t know anything about art.

  15. Don (unregistered) on March 3rd, 2006 @ 4:55 pm

    We don’t really know that they were NICE ladies and I don’t think your comparison works. Kids are still learning and developing. Women don’t lose (see that Wayan? Only one ‘o’.) their ability to discern that something is a fashion abomination as they age, do they?

    I think it’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone is just being sloppy (which I can totally identify with, or be identified as…) and when they think they Actually Look Good.

  16. get over yourself (unregistered) on March 7th, 2006 @ 11:54 am

    Wow, what a moronic posting. There have been a few groups in our world’s history that believed that they should sergragate and eliminate those who were different from them. Get a coffee pot and an internet connection, you cheap Nazi.

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