Comments on: is dc friendly? judging by our response to pickup lines…

By: BAV

BAV — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 02:07:38 +0000

Like Jen and Cameron, I’m annoyed by the hyper-life-planning common in DC residents. In my experience so far, it’s good to have goals, but if you make too strict of a life plan, it’s that much harder to adapt to unforeseen events, or deal with things not always going your way.

I do like going out and meeting people without agendas on my part or theirs, and I believe that one can never have too many friends–which is why I spend most of my time and beer money at those low-key neighborhood watering holes, and am nicer to people there, than I am at your average DC bar. In those places, well, after 265 pickup attempts, far too many by creepy, self-important forthsomethings looking for their very own Katie Holmes, a girl can’t help but be a little cynical.

And for the record, the only time my girl friends and I cock-block guys, it’s when we know the ‘target’ girl isn’t interested in the guy chatting her up, or when someone in the group wants to head elsewhere and hasn’t caught onto the fact that someone else has game going. More often, we help each other out, but then again, I don’t keep bad friends.

Though if I let one loose in a library or other quiet place in front of a hot guy, I know exactly what I’ll be doing. :)

By: wayan

wayan — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 22:56:52 +0000

You'd be surprised by the amount of cockblocking going on, even in libraries.

By: Don

Don — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 21:22:14 +0000

To think of that Wayan would have to believe there’s a woman not interested in him :)

By: jen m.

jen m. — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 20:13:05 +0000

hmm, i’m not sure i buy that. who would go out to a bar with a “friend” who acted like that? maybe the cockblocker knows the target isn’t interested in you (maybe she the target is interested in someone else in the place) and is actually being a good wingwoman. ever think of that?

By: wayan

wayan — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 19:37:51 +0000

Cockblocking is usually done by the friend out of annoyance that s/he is not getting the attention of the one being perused, not protection. The cockblocker is called a submarine – as in s/he torpedoed your game.

And you and Cameron aren’t the only ones just out for drinks w/o a ulterior motive – just in the minority unless you go to a local. Wonderland, Tonic, and Marx Cafe are three low-key places in my neighbourhood where an outright pick-up would be out of place.

Last but not least, sorry to lump you in the with the commitment crazies. Married folks like Jenn L shouldn’t be out in bars anyway. Home, barefoot, kitchen I say ;)

By: Jenn L

Jenn L — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:47:39 +0000

Don’t worry, there are lots of places in DC that you can go to without every interaction being a pursuit for something, whether it’s a date or a hook-up or a job. Honestly, there are. As BAV says, friendly neighborhood bars are great. Then there are the places people go to specifically to hook up, period. It’s like that in every city. I don’t honestly think DC is better or worse than most.

(and don’t worry about Wayan’s ‘ring = you’re married’ leap, Jen M., as you can see from his constant ‘husband’ jabs at me, he thinks anyone who admits to being attached is pathologically righteous about it ;)

By: jen m.

jen m. — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:11:32 +0000

i don’t get cockblocking. why does the friend do that? is it that the recipient of the attention is too shy to brush the guy off herself? how does the cockblocker know that the attention is unwanted? single or not, i don’t play those kind of games.

it might be true that most single men in the bar (or anywhere else for that matter) are trying to get laid, but in other cities they don’t always go about pursuing that goal with such drive. and i think everyone, including the guys trying to get laid, is better off for it. i bet if anything, guys in austin (to continue with my example) generally have more luck getting laid than guys in dc.

i’m sure cameron and i aren’t the only ones in this city who would like to go out, have a drink, and meet new people who aren’t on the warpath for something or other, whether its booty or business cards. or maybe we are just a couple of slackers who are out of our element in this town.

jeez, this discussion depressess me. (as do the words “you’re married” when directed at me — i’m not married, just too lazy to write “i wear a ring on the ring finger of my left hand that is indistinguishable from what most people consider a wedding band.”)

By: wayan

wayan — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 16:45:28 +0000

Jen, I think we’ve found the source of your confusion – you’re married. You don’t have to worry about someone “cockblocking” you (when someone stops you from making a move, ie: the friend telling the boy you’re chatting up that its time to go) and you don’t realize that single men mostly have one goal in the bar – to get laid. Of course this is no different than any other place, or time.

How do you know a man’s trying to get in your pants? His lips are moving.

That you’re married also means that you’re happy to talk to guys who approach you at bars, you believe they’re being friendly vs. trying to get in your pants. Now how many of these guys stick around after you say “My husband…” like Jenn L does all the time? Or see the ring + rock on your finger? I would guess few.

Thankfully though, you do wear your ring, so a smart guy would see it before approaching you and adjust his actions accordingly. What frustrates many men (and women) are those that are taken but don’t tell the hopeful amour until after a few drinks are purchased or much time wasted. This makes the amour understandably mad.

Some, women try to head off hopeful amours by ignoring the ones they aren’t interested in. Not nice, I agree, but if she’s a hottie, after the 264th guy tries, I can understand her cold shoulder. I’d do the same if I were so lucky.

By: cameron

cameron — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 15:14:35 +0000

Jen, I totally agree with you about it being really unfortunate that the bar scene is so goal oriented in DC. But, as you know, I have an unfortunately unbreakable stereotype of DC-ites as being entirely too “life-planny” goal-oriented etc. I have met more men in DC who are really frustrated that they are approaching their late 20s and are not on the path to marriage, family, and the suburban dream. More men then women, in fact, which I think is also sorta unique to DC. But I do feel like the people here, men and women, don’t like to waste time and if you are not interested in furthering their life-plan then you might as well not talk to them at all. And I find this incredibly sad. Especially since I felt like I had a very hard time a year ago, being new to DC, trying to meet people when I was not in a position to be dating or hooking up. I just wanted friends and that turned out to be harder, even, than making friends in L.A. when I moved there.

By: jen m.

jen m. — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 14:56:25 +0000

i get the feeling that in dc most people (men and women) assume that anyone who speaks to them is trying to pick them up. i think that’s really unfortunate for everyone.

in austin, for instance, my experience has been that you can go to a bar and chat with strangers and have a good time just meeting new people. sure, many people in the bar would like to meet someone to get romantically involved with, but they aren’t so goal oriented that they can’t just have fun meeting people even if no sparks happen to start flying. i think that kind of atmosphere is not only much more fun and relaxed for everyone, but it’s also much more conducive to actually meeting potential dates.

dc in general tends to be a very “eyes on the prize” kind of place, whether the “prize” is a date, status, political power, money, hipness, social change, whatever. that attitude might be really effective in terms of being financially or political successful, but i don’t think it’s effective in terms of having a rewarding social life.

now i’m missing austin. if anyone knows of bars or clubs in dc with more of that laid back vibe, please let me know!