Cell Phone Robbery

Seems the crazy NoVA crowd that thinks handguns = safety haven’t been to a Wachovia in a while. Else they could’ve stopped the best bank robbery gambit yet – the cell phone bank bandit.

Using her Samsung flip phone, a woman has knocked off four Wachovia’s in NoVA in recent weeks. Now I only wish I was a Letterman joke writer for this has comedy screaming to get out. What did she do, demand money or else talk louder and longer? She grab the teller’s phone and demand cash else she call Togo for two hours?

Nope, she apparently passed a note while still yapping, getting cash without even breaking up the conversation. The best comment from the Wash Post article:

He theorized that “maybe because she’s a woman, she feels less secure physically, and by talking to somebody, it makes her feel secure.” Or, Desroches added, “maybe she’s talking to her mother.”

Talking to her mother, eh? I wonder what she was saying?

Robber Mom, hi, I’m at the bank how much you want?
Mom Oh honey, you know me, as many 20’s as you can stuff in your bra
Robber Okay, you sure? I can get $50’s or $100’s – whatever you want
Mom No, that’s okay, it hard for me to tell dad those $100’s are from Bingo Night, and he likes the $20’s for his poker games
Robber Okay, I’m gonna get three handfuls today – last week those two handfuls didn’t go that far. I think they shorted me by adding $1’s and $5’s.
Mom Yeah, times are tough, these banks are getting cheap on you. Make sure you get good bills too – and no dye packets!
Robber Oh I hate those dye packets, they really stain my whites!

4 Comments so far

  1. WFY (unregistered) on November 11th, 2005 @ 9:30 am

    Let’s ban cellphones!

  2. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on November 11th, 2005 @ 9:41 am

    Totally, those damn cellphones are being used to rob banks and disrupt society! We must ban the cellphones ;)

  3. wayan (unregistered) on November 11th, 2005 @ 11:10 am

    I just love the chutzpah of it. Robbing a bank on the cell phone. I think, as a teller, you should have the right to common decently, even when getting robbed. Tell her to turn off the phone first, before you’ll hand over the cash.

    What next? Muggings where the robbers keep talking on cells while snatching your purse? Killers not interrupting yap-a-thons as they pop caps? Or worse, they steal your phone to make sure they don’t get caught when they cash out your credit cards!

  4. wayan (unregistered) on November 12th, 2005 @ 2:11 pm

    Now I think I see this woman’s brilliance. Apparently she’s already building her defense if she gets caught – from today’s Wash Post article:

    Once she’s caught, though, the phone shtick could come in handy for her lawyer, McGoey said.
    “I can visualize the defense already,” McGoey said. “The real crook threatened to kill her or her family if she didn’t rob these banks, and she was forced to keep the real crook on the cell phone to track the transaction.”

    That’s brilliant, eh? Wait, um, I’ll be back, gotta take my phone to the Wachovia at the end of my block…

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