Psycho Taxi Driver

You’ve had one, I know you have. You’ve had the psycho taxi driver in DC who didn’t speak a language you understood, even if they thought it was English. You argued with a driver who pegged you a tourist and tried to double-zone charge you. You’ve even waiting while the taxi driver received a ticket from the MPD. But have you had all three happen in the same taxi, one without functioning air conditioning, on a sweltering hot day in DC?

I just did, and I gotta tell you I was not happy. Not only did he not understand basic commands, he refused to turn on the air conditioning, drove like a maniac while yapping on a phone, he got a ticket for running a red light, and then tried to charge me for three zones instead of two when I decided to walk the rest of the way to my destination.

Still, I know that can’t be the worst experience out there. You’ve probably had worse. Write about it in comments, and if its good, like oh-my-god-I’ll-walk-from-now-on good, I’ll even buy you a swank t-shirt at our par-tay on Wednesday.

So ante up….

10 Comments so far

  1. Jenn Larsen (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 12:01 pm

    My story begins with a cab driver trying to charge us $30 to get to RFK from 14th & S.

    “Because of traffic,” he said. (It was 7pm)

    “What’s your operator number?” I ask.

    It ends with screaming, shoving, and the cops.

    But it really is a story that begs to be acted out in person.

    Ask me for a performance at the party tomorrow!

  2. darpino (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 2:05 pm

    Mine is a very long story, also told better in person. It involves people falling out of cars, me covered in vomit (not my own), a giant pool of blood, a fistfight on the hood of a taxi in front of a police station, a manhunt, and homemade stitches.

  3. Tom Bridge (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 2:57 pm

    I have two, one I witnessed, one I experienced.

    As I left work one night this winter, I saw a cabbie angrily hurling a guy’s luggage into the street because, get this, he paid with $100 bill.

    About three years ago a bunch of us caught a cab home from Adams Morgan to my buddy’s place on Lee Hwy, halfway up the hill from the river, the guy’s cab literally caught fire beneath the hood.

    Strangely, we paid for the fare.

  4. wayan (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 5:40 pm

    –Rule Clarification —

    You wanna win the shirt? Then ya need to write the story. “Told better in person” nor “acted out in person” qualifies. Now tickle those keys.

  5. JennB (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 5:46 pm

    But those guys are getting shirts anyway!

  6. buyavowel (unregistered) on July 19th, 2005 @ 10:42 pm

    Does it have to be a DC cab, or do NY cabs count?

  7. wayan (unregistered) on July 20th, 2005 @ 8:52 am

    NYC Cabs will get you extra credit, but only DC cab stories will win a shirt. If we went worldwide, I have a whole slew of Chinese taxi horror stories. There was even a website devoted to just that once upon a time.

  8. buyavowel (unregistered) on July 20th, 2005 @ 11:35 am

    Well, since I’m not much a wearer of t-shirts anyway, and just felt like sharing my evil cab driver story for the hell of it, I’ll bite.

    A couple years ago, I went up to NY for my friend Doug’s swanky New Year’s party. Because my bag was rather cumbersome, I opted to take a cab uptown rather than my usual subway. The driver, a middle-aged man of indeterminate ethnic origin, must have not been much for small talk; instead of asking me something normal like how were my holidays going or what brought me to NY, he plunged right in with, “Are you married?”

    Oy. As if I don’t get enough of this from my Ukrainian relatives. I should’ve replied that it was none of his business, but instead, the following ensued:

    Me: No.

    Driver: Well, when are you going to get married?

    Me: I don’t know, maybe someday, maybe never. I’m in no rush.

    Driver: Why wouldn’t you get married? Every woman should get married.

    Me: Wouldn’t want to get stuck settling down with the wrong guy, I’d rather stay single than that.

    Driver: But God wants you to get married and have children.

    Me: Oh, so God told you this? You have a direct line to the guy? The voice in your head? That’s not God.

    Driver: (getting angry, raising his voice) And women can’t be happy without husbands, they need men to take care of them. Don’t you want a man to take care of you?

    Me: Actually, I can take care of myself. In fact, I’m so capable of taking care of myself, that I don’t need your help getting to my friend’s apartment. If you’d be so kind as to pull over, I’ll walk.

    If I hadn’t gotten out of the cab right then and there, it would’ve only deteriorated, as it was already an effort of will to not give him a good solid stiletto-heeled kick in the ass. It was a cold 20 blocks to my destination, but worth not being preached at anymore. No tip for him; no husband–but plenty of New Year’s kisses–for me, so I think I got the better end of the deal.

  9. K (unregistered) on July 26th, 2005 @ 1:58 pm

    When I wear a Sox hat it’s because I’ve been a fan all my life. My father dressed me up as a Sox fan when I was four when we lived in Wisconsin. My sister’s name is a variation of a famous Sox player. So not all of us are stupid posers.

  10. Nancy (unregistered) on February 25th, 2006 @ 9:38 am

    One of the more interesting was a guy who repeated the address when I gave it to him. Then as we’re going along, he’d say something, not in English, but then repeat the streeet address (Connecticut). We were heading the right way, so I figured, fine. He kept talking to me, and I kept saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” Finally he obviously was saying his name and asking mine. So I said, Nancy. He nodded and then said, in pretty clear English that he loved doing this to riders. That most folks as long as he keeps saying the final address, hang in there. But one guy got so flustered that he insisted on having the cab stop nd jumped out.

    I guess when you’re a cab driver you find fun where you can.

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