Archive for September, 2004

DC Baseball is Official!

It’s Official. The Expos are moving to Washington, DC for the 2005 season.
Now….anyone know anybody who wants to buy my car, so I can afford season seats?
Also, WTOP is running a contest for the best name for the new ballclub. Best name I’ve heard so far? Beltway Bandits.
(a tip of the digital bowler to Lisa for that one)

Street Closings Galore: Part Deux

DCist reported on this a couple of days ago, but the street clostings have been revised since then. Here’s an update on the street closings that are happening this weekend due to the IMF meeting, courtesy of the Secret Service:
The International Monetary Fund and World Bank will hold their semi-annual meeting in Washington, D.C. from Friday, October 1 through Sunday, October 3, 2004. Associated events will also be conducted at the Department of the Treasury, D.A.R. Constitution Hall, and the Organization of American States Pan American Union building. In this regard, the Metropolitan Police Department will close a number of streets. Information regarding these closings follows:
By 7 AM on Friday, October 1, 2004, the area bounded by F Street on the south, 20th Street on the west, Pennsylvania Avenue on the north, and 17th Street on the east will be closed to general pedestrian and vehicular traffic. Only those persons and vehicles that can show proof of need to be in the area will be admitted.
At 7 PM on Friday, the secured area will be expanded as follows: 17th, 18th, 19th, and 20th Streets will be closed to all vehicular traffic north of E Street and south of K Street. Only properly cleared and placarded vehicles will be allowed inside the “no vehicle zone.” 21st Street and 15th Street will be open to vehicular traffic. Vermont Avenue and 16th Street north of H Street will also be open. 17th Street south of E Street will be open. All Public Garages within the EXPANDED security zone will be closed. Anyone parking in any of these garages must remove their vehicles by 7 PM Friday or their vehicle will be towed away by MPDC.
On Sunday morning, October 3, 2004, the zone will be expanded further. All prior closings will remain in effect and 17th, 18th and 19th Streets will be closed from Constitution Avenue on the south north to and including E Street. All street closings will remain in effect until about 10 PM Sunday night. Again, only properly cleared and placarded vehicles will be allowed inside the “no vehicle zone.”

Teacher: I’m sorry I got your 3rd grader drunk at lunch.

Apparently, somebody spiked the Limeade at the Alexandria Country Day School today. In fact, it wasn’t limeade at all. It was Margaritas.
How is it that that mistake is at all possible in a school?

A team with no name

With Major League Baseball likely to announce the decision to move the Montreal Expos to DC today, there is talk of what the DC team should be called.
They were named the Expos after Expo 67, the World’s Fair held in Montreal 2 years before the expansion team was formed, so that name is no good for a DC team. And the Texas Rangers still own the Washington Senators name, so that’s no good.
Suggestions? It doesn’t have to be a name that translates into an obvious mascot- after all, look at the Philly Phanatic.

Getting Around: Things You Need To Know

Touron season is over, but for anyone who has recently moved to the DC area, or anyone who is considering it, I present the following helpful navigational information, which I got in an email this morning:
First, you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or “the District.” Only tourists call it Washington.
Next, if your road map of Montgomery County is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. It’s obsolete. If in Loudoun or Fairfax County your map is one day old, it’s already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It’s just another chase, usually on the B/W Parkway.
All directions start with “The Beltway” . . . which has no beginning and no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified by an “inner loop” and “outer loop” designation. This makes no sense to ANYONE outside the Beltway.
The morning rush “hour” is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush “hour” is from 1 to 8 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
If there is a ball game at the Redskins stadium, there is no point in driving anywhere near PG County. Tip: Never say PG County to anyone from Mitchellville, Upper Marlboro or Fort Washington. They’ll blow a vessel in their neck and go into a seizure.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended and shot at. If you run the red light, be sure to smile for the $100 “picture” you will receive courtesy of DMV. (However, if you don’t go as soon as the light turns green, you will get cussed out in 382 languages, none of them English.)
Rain causes an immediate 50-point drop of IQ in drivers. Snow causes an immediate 100-point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant for toilet paper and milk.
Construction on I-270 is a way of life and a permanent source of scorn and cynical entertainment. It’s ironic that it’s called an “Interstate,” but runs only from Bethesda to Frederick. (Unless you consider Montgomery County another state, which some do). Opening in the 60′s, it has been torn up and under reconstruction ever since. Also, it has a “Spur” section, which is even more confusing.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Takoma Park.”
If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are by definition, a tourist. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators. Heed the warning. All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure World.
Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections. Don’t ask why, no one knows.
A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks will cost you 16.75. (It’s a zone thing, you wouldn’t understand)
Traveling south of DC on Interstate 395/95 is the most dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more comforting then seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER TO BUMPER!!!
The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The Beltway is our daily version of a NASCAR reality show. Strap up and collect points as you go.
The open lane for passing on all Maryland and Virginia interstates is the far right lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving in the “slow” lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
The far left lanes on all Maryland and Virginia interstates are official “chat” lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones.
Note: All mini-vans have priority clearance to use the far left at whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multitasking in.
If it’s 10 degrees, it’s Orioles’ opening day. If it’s 110 degrees, it’s the Skins’ opening day.
If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it’s May, June, July, August and sometimes September.
If you go to a Skins football game, pay the $75.00 to park in the stadium lot. It’s cheaper then getting towed or a citation. By law, you’re not allowed to walk on the “public” roads around the stadium during game days.

More fun with the Metro police

This time, it’s a 5 months pregnant woman talking too loudly on her cell phone.
So, I hate loud cell phone talkers as much as the next person, but you’d think that since she was leaving the station while she was making the call, and since the call had ended before the officer bothered to approach her, maybe he didn’t really need to throw her on the ground and put a knee in her back.
And maybe it’s just my libertarian, tin foil hat-wearing principles that are offended here, but I shudder at the idea of the police being able to decide what is and is not “conducive to socially accepted standards of behavior.”

thread my head

like a lotus flower, eyebrow threading has become a natural phenomena in the beauty world. people of various economic, cultural, sexual & fashion backgrounds are obsessed with clean brows. the practice has yet to be widespread in major salons, but for those who find a good threader, never give her up.

threading is the technique of twisting and rolling cotton thread along the brow to remove hairs at the follicle. more precise than waxing and quicker than tweezing, it’s becoming the grooming method of choice. when you run into a set of finely tuned eyebrows, you’ll think i) where did she get her threading done? and ii) that you can’t wait til your next fix.

be forewarned, there are cases of patrons becoming addicted to threading, going for a treatment every two weeks, and honestly, eyebrow hairs do not grow that quickly. the last thing you want is to end up fake-looking with a tad-pole or a half moon brow. also, keep in mind you may feel a pinching sensation the first few times, but your tolerance for pain will soon increase as you stare at your wonderful anjelina-jolie-style brows.

There many-a-threader in DC, or check out Pooja on Sundays & Mondays @
Bravado Hair Designs
655 C St SE
Washington (Eastern Market)
202-544-3344

Wok ‘n’ Roll Sushi Happy Hour

Wok ‘n’ Roll in Chinatown has a $1 sushi happy hour from 5-8pm Monday through Fridays. I’m sure Wok ‘n’ ‘Roll will give Cafe Asia’s sushi happy hour a run for its money in the highly competitive sushi happy hour market. I had some of the $1 sushis there and they were quite tasty. The shrimp tempura roll was excellent as well.
This would be perfect before heading to a Caps game at the MCI Center. Oh wait, I must have been dreaming back to last year when we actually had hockey…
Wok ‘n’ Roll
Street: 604 H Street, NW (in Chinatown)
Phone: (202) 347-4656

NSO Gala Opener

Last night was the Gala Opening Concert of the 74th Season of the National Symphony Orchestra under the baton of Leonard Slatkin. What a magnificent concert last night. Joshua Bell, Itzhak Perlman, Midori, Elmar Olveira, the Labèque sisters, Michel Camilo, it was incredible. There was also the brand-new and specially commissioned piece by PDQ Bach (1802-1742?) for Leonard Slatkin to perform with Peter Schikele and Katia Labèque. Of course, DC’s Music Nazi, Tim Page, hated it.
I don’t think Tim Page really likes anything at all.

Free Beer to Good Home

So, I’ve got this beer in my fridge.
“But Tiff, you don’t drink beer!” I hear you say.
Which is why I’ve got beer in my fridge. I bought two six packs when I moved into the place, because I had pledges from several friends to come help me move. Everyone but Tom and the Wasyliks flaked, and since Dineen was nursing Alex, she chose not to partake. Tom and Mike drank one beer each.
It is now just over a year later. The beer is in brown and green bottles, so my beer experts tell me it’s still just fine. But I’m not going to drink it, and my aunt is coming to visit me next weekend.
You can see my dilemma- the last thing I need is for my mother’s eldest sister to notice that I keep beer and not a lot else in my fridge.
So, do any of you local people need some beer? All you have to do is pick it up.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the beer in question is 5 bottles of Sierra Nevada and 5 bottles of Sam Adams Summer Ale.

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