You read stuff like this ^[1], and your first thought is, “Dude. What the fuck?!”
Well, if you’re a pottymouth like me then that’s your first thought.
Then, your second thought is, “Damn, Gina, that coulda been me! I just popped an Altoid on the Metro on my way home last night because I reeked of cosmopolitans and sauteed onions!”
Well, if you’re a sauteed-onion-eating lush like me, then that’s your second thought.
But, here’s the thing: despite the obvious insanity of what happened to this woman, I sort of dig the maniacal enthusiasm with which the No Eating/No Drinking thing is enforced on Metro.
I think about how, every single time I go to New York and ride the subway I have to watch someone pooping on the train and I think, “Hell, yeah! Lock her Pay Day eatin’ ass up.”
I mean, I’m just thinkin’ that if you watch a twelve-year-old girl get detained for eating a french fry, suddenly, you have newfound bladder control, you know what I’m sayin’?
As for Willett’s position that she wasn’t “eating,” just “chewing,” uh…riiiight.